Iknow what you mean about getting stressed because you don't know which is the right thing and thus you back away from it. I do this too, it's hard to break bad habits!!!
A holiday will be great for you both! I worry that when we go on holiday that we will not be good companions, so lately I have been looking at how i am with my friends and tr to replicate that behaviour around my H.
Lately i have felt the distance and barriers that I have put between H and I, I know tat it is a self protection action, but it is harmful to our R.
Some days i just want to talk to him, and have a big D & M (deep and meaningful) chat with him, like we used to.
