We've all asked the same question--what should I be doing. I'd suggest taking care of yourself by implementing the last resort technique and then start doing 180s. I had a very hard time in the beginning because I didn't know how to start or where to start. But pick one of your classific behaviors with your wife and just do the opposite. Or if you always respond the same way to an event or discussion, do the opposite. Watch for her reaction. Notice if it's different. Getting started in much harder then keeping the momentum going. Once you notice her reaction is different then you'll probably feel movitated. Maybe you can start by taking the kids out to give her some free time. Tell her that's what you want to do (but only if it's something you normally don't do) and then spend time doing something different with the kids. They love it. Your wife may notice, too.
Take plenty of time and read all of our posts. Go back more than 20 days if you have the time. Realizing that you are not alone and what you are feeling is oh so normal. No less painful, but to be expected. Also, the wonderful people here, who lived it and are living it, will provide invaluable insight--usually in a a very short time. And, you know, when we are going through a crisis, we NEED SUPPORT.
Regarding the impatience--this is the thing that drove me into the two different lawyers office. Please, please don't be impatient. When you feel the urge, distract yourself. Also, you know from reading Michele's books, don't talk about the future, no questions about the future and give her plenty of free time. When she sees you, let her see the wonderful, confident husband/man/father that you are.
