After CHL & I's talk Tuesday afternoon I did lots of thinking. He said he did want to stay friends.
I as you know was planning to not talk with him again after the divorce was final. I have changed my mind and decided I will give the friend thing a try. If it doesn't work I can always drop contact.
I decided I should let him know and there were a couple of other things I wanted to address so I took an early lunch yesterday and ran to the house. He was there working, hard!
Told him I would like to talk for a few minutes, that if he was sure he wanted to try maintaining a friendship that I did also. But I didn't want to feel I was bothering him or second rate because I have felt that way a lot this past year. I said if I call and you are busy TELL ME SO! He agreed.
Talked with him about a few ideas on PK. He says he may move in, I let him know if he did and he wanted to share the washer, dryer and tv for awhile that was ok with me. If he preferred not I would move them. Asked him to think on that and let me know by next weekend. Also let him know if he wanted that he was welcome to have the kids come and visit him at PK.
It was time I had to get back to work but I asked if he could walk to the house with me for a minute. Figured he could get some water as well. He looked hot, he was cutting up branches and burning them.
He asked me if I didn't want Micky D's for lunch and I said no. I should have ran and got him something though as he didn't eat. Worked all day really hard, I can't believe how much he got cleaned up in one day!!!
I carried the envelope with my rings and the heart necklace in it that was a wedding gift from him, and the Santa tree ornament he gave me our first Christmas. It is holding a heart and he said here is my heart.
Asked him if he remembered saying that and he said he did. I said I am giving your heart back. He was sort of teary eyed. I also told him I was giving him my rings and necklace back.
He said no you keep them. I said I will make a deal with you, if you decide to marry J then you can give them back to me, but until you decide I would like you to keep them. I said maybe you will want to give me one back someday. He said if I do I will know where to find it, you keep it. I said I'm not closing the door but I am moving forward. I need to live now that I know I can. He said sort of nice isn't it. I said yes, it is.
He said the Santa was up to me. I told him I would put them all up for safe keeping and not to go getting his heart broken.
He was still teary and I gave him a big hug and he gave me one back.
I let him know he was welcome to any of the food in the house for lunch and that I had to get back to work.
Also told him I knew that was lot of heavy convo but decided to just get it all over with at one time so it didn't have to come up in the future.
Yesterday afternoon I called his cell to see if could get vin # off of my car. He wasn't in car but he saw later I had called and RETURNED my call!!!! Maybe he really does want to be friends.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Today had a feeling CHL was at the house again. I know if I'm building a friendship and trust again that I need to be more comfortable with him being there when I'm not. It is an area I have decided to focus on.
I ran home at lunch and he is working on the rest of the tree that came down, cutting it up and burning it.
I asked why the rush? He said no rush just didn't get it done, it needs done, it is nice out and he needed the exercise. I later told him I felt he was just rushing to get the house listed. He said there are several reasons why he is doing it.
We discussed my trust issues. I apologized for not believing what he said the first time and said I will work on this problem area of mine. I said but if we are going to be friends I need to know I can trust you and that you will tell me things. I then asked what he needs from me to be friends, he said that I don't leave mean vm's or send mean e-mails that sometimes I go over the top.
I hadn't done any of that in a long time till this week and boy it is stuck in his memory.
I think we may be able to work the friendship out.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Worked all day really hard, I can't believe how much he got cleaned up in one day!!!