Serene, Calm & Centered: Goals for Life

[sage]

{{{PAM}}}

I'm sending you warm thoughts right now.

Keep doing all the wonderous stuff you've been doing..focusing on YOU, your NEW HOUSE, your BABIES, etc.

And, of course, us on the BB!

Sage

[Phoenix_In_Bloom]

Pam,

Hmm...so many thoughts running through my head right now.

First...he's still talking to you...I think that means something...you two still have a connection.

Second...I know you have been expecting the papers, but I imagine you are still going into shock.

3rd...as such...I suspect it will be especially important for you to be gentle with yourself.

Give yourself time to grieve. Know that it is ok.

And when you have grieved enough...look forward to the life you have already begun to create for yourself.

A life full of joy, laughter, puppy kisses, and friendship.

I'm sending you some warm hugs.

[psluke]

Thank you guys soooo much. Yes, lots of shock, especially to see that they were signed July 13. Here I was talking with him and thinking he was waiting so I could get my Zoloft.

He probably thinks I'm a complete idiot!

I need out of the house and there is no darn way I can go anywhere this weekend.

[psluke]

So the last time I saw him we neither one felt very good. Not much of a good bye. Guess we really said that over a year ago.

So now I will get a check for my birthday from him. Divorce was final July 15 and within 30 days he is to pay me $4000.00 What timing huh?

I know I'll get it together but it still sucks. I wanted the extension on the Zoloft to help me through this rough time.

I REALLY feel stupid right now. I have been talking to him for almost a month after the D was final.

[Phoenix_In_Bloom]

Pam,

Ok...you are sounding frantic.

Breathe deeply.

Try to calm down and focus on the baby step in front of you.

Try to think about it this way.

Who you are has not changed. You are a strong, caring, sensitive, kind, generous person.

You can do this.

Do NOT rush to get out of the house. There is no need.

You have your puppies to take care of.

You have things to pack.

Do NOT let your feelings control you.

You have been doing a remarkable job recently of doing lots of things you didn't think you could do.

That has NOT changed. You are in control of you.

It is your choice how to respond to the information you have.

The best thing for you to do right now is to just BE.

Breathe deep.

Relax.

Focus on what your goals were before you found out the papers were official.

What is your next baby step?

What can we do to help you?

Hugs.

[psluke]

I don't know right now. I just feel like such a fool. Look how long I have been talking to him and didn't know we were divorced.

[psluke]

I wasn't rushing to get out, to try to push them on the house because I didn't know we were divorced.

How do I get through the next two weeks?

Last conversation I had with him today he said he might read my threads this weekend. I called and left him message not to that when I asked him to read them was before the divorce was final.

[Phoenix_In_Bloom]

Pam,

Based on what you are saying, it sounds like he still wants to be friends.

Have you considered telling him, I just found out we are officially divorced, and I need some space/time to process things?

Just to give yourself some breathing room...make sure you don't do anything/say anything that you will regret later on?

What do you think about this idea?

Hugs.

[psluke]

That it is a very nicely logical idea.

I love you guys do you know that?

I didn't say anything hateful on vm or e-mail.

Just asked for my books back and said I guessed I would get a check for my birthday and that he didn't need to read my threads.

Told him I thought he was wrong that we could have made a better marriage than his future one will be but that it wasn't my choice to make.

Told him good bye and good luck and to take care of himself.

I don't want to be ashamed of any behaviour I do walking out of here and this relationship.

I didn't realize we were divorced or I wouldn't have been talking with him. So I feel pretty stupid on that count.

Now I know why he stopped showing up on my AIM. He probably took me off when the divorce was final. I really am a trusting sort. I believed him when he said he was having trouble with it.

Or dumb or blond or whatever.

He sent me an e-mail yesterday that said the network at his work was running really really slow so it must be blond.

Was he laughing at me? Have the two of them been laughing at me again? That still hurts that they did that, how long will that take to heal?

[dfb]

Pam -

Do you really plan to never talk to him again? If you knew the D was final, you wouldn't have talked to him at all?

I am sorry you didn't know, that really sucks. I don't think he's been laughing at you - it sounds like he still cares about you. That doesn't mean he's feeling the "in love" feelings, but I bet he still loves you too.

Think of this as the time to get everything in order - and to start your new life.