Actually I haven't heard from her in quit a while. But I know hotmail isn't always too reliable as I have an account also and send stuff to myself from it sometimes.
I think I e-mailed her and you about the same time and I am guessing neither of you received my e-mails.
I will try to get in touch with her again.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I hope that you know that I wasn't reading those old posts to "snoop" I was just curious to see what kind of a guy your H was.
I wish that there was an easier way on the board to go back and read old posts. For example you are now at over 7000+ posts, but I would love to read post #3 or #250 but unfortunately there really isn't a way to ascertain what post #3 even was.
When I said that some of those old posts made me feel uncomfortable, it was just because the pain was so raw and at the surface. I was not criticizing, just commenting.
I guess what I was wanting to see was CHL's take on some of this, maybe to see how he was responding to being db'ed or if his heart was ever even in saving your M.
I wonder sometimes what it all looks like from the perspective of the WAS who is being db'ed. All my friends here on the bb are women whose H's have OW's.
Been off the bb as came home and went to bed. Just felt so lousy. CHL was here when I got here but that will be another post.
I certainly didn't think you were reading those posts to snoop, I just meant I really am embarrassed by them. I am not sure his heart was ever in saving the marriage as I do feel he was pretty involved with J and not sure if you knew this, but he had an affair with her before he met me.
My H is a pretty nice guy in a lot of ways. Major conflict avoider, very shy, a geek, but with a great sense of humor.
If you had a question for him and posted it he would probably answer. He used to be great at giving people thoughts.
He also does still read the bb, I don't think every day or anything but if you dug up his last thread he might see it before it gets off of the first page.
No, you wouldn't want to read # 3 or even #250, take my word for it!
Yes, soooo much pain. I had no idea how I would ever be able to deal with it and there is still pain, but not as much. As Shiny said not the desperation that there was a few months ago.
I see a future for myself now. It isn't the one I had hoped to have, but it is there now!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Spent all day Saturyday doing clean and organize the kitchen. Thinking I will box my dishes as I don't have many and we always used CHL's, which is still what I am doing.
Today Shara, Tara and I checked out our new home. Almost all the rooms are painted!! The Cool Sage isn't on yet, but my blue bedroom is BLUE!!!!!!
The pale yellow seems to look really nice in the rest of the house.
The vinyl is down with cardboard like stuff taped over it. So it won't be long I'm thinking before cabinets will go in and fixtures and appliances!
I haven't picked out appliances yet! Have to try to get that done.
My neighbor came over and we chatted and measured my desk fitting through the doorway. Doesn't look promising.
Sidewalk and driveway are poured.
I went through her house then, left the girls in ours. It really wasn't too bad temperature wise in there. But the guys had left their lunch boxes on the floor and when I came back to get the girls they had been in at least one box and their feet and Shara's head have ketchup on them.
Neighbors house is awesome!!! She has some beautiful furniture. She said most of it was her mom and dads that her and her sister had got when her parents were killed in a car wreck.
We discussed beds. I am real seriously considering a new mattress set. The set that is here is mine I had before the marriage but then the night J passed out in our bed David slept with her in it and I think I don't want to start my new life with that mattress set. A physical shaking off of that dirt!!!!
Hate to spend the money but the set really is due to be replaced before long anyway.
Neighbor said she gave her H the whole bedroom furniture set and got a new one as she didn't want the bed they had slept in. They had been married 25 years. Guy needed some space to figure himself out. Moved out, then later filed for D.
We don't have any bedroom furniture so that won't have memories attached at least!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
He was working on the part of a tree we had come down in the storms here a while back and I went to bed for about an hour.
It started storming and woke me up, when I came downstairs the light on down in the family room was on. I went down to see if CHL was still there or had just left the light on.
He was and we did chit chat about his work mostly and that he felt sunburnt. Said he had been out in the sun with no hat and no sunscreen for about 3 1/2 hours. The back of his neck looked like a lobster!
He held FB a lot and looked at him rather sad I thought. Maybe saying Good Bye?
So no big deal, just sort of lots of emotions for me to process. Seeing him again was a bit emotional, I hadn't seen him in a long time and we didn't hug good bye or anything so if that is the last time I see him not a memorable good bye.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Major conflict avoider, very shy, a geek, but with a great sense of humor. 
