What a rotten birthday you had. That your W tore up the letter is really inexcusable. I've tried leaving loving notes in places where W will find them. She never responds to them directly, but at least she keeps them, and I think she appreciates them. I'm also only beginning to read PM, and I'm thinking about what it means to differentiate. I could also say that I am unilaterally attempting to repair the marriage, but in fact my W is responding positively to my attempts without acknowledging those attempts. This is what usually happens. Look for clues in your W's behavior.
That your W tore up the letter is really inexcusable. I've tried leaving loving notes in places where W will find them. She never responds to them directly, but at least she keeps them, and I think she appreciates them.