Quote: Your story is intruiging and I can relate to so much of it. In particular the losing weight and feeling good about yourself, I have read many many self help books, (although I think my next one will be PM) including those on weight loss as I too, have a problem in that area. Many of these books say that something in your subconscious is telling you not to lose weight and I have recently discovered what mine is .... What if I lose weight and you are still not interested in ML with me ? OR Why should I lose weight to make you feel like ML with me when others are still interested in being with me ?? Nevertheless, I am working on it.
Hey Solid and NelJ,
I had many of the same thoughts as you two regarding the weight issue. If you are truly comfortable with your current weight/physical appearance then don't change. In order to figure out if you are truly comfortable ask yourself if you would be happy with the way you look if you were single and going on a blind date. What would you change? Ask yourself if this change is at all possible. If you would only be happy if every bit of cellulite was removed from your body then you probably need counseling for your poor body image. If you have a gut and you want a flat stomach, then you probably should make a real effort to lose weight and exercise. The reason it is important to feel confident about your appearance is that it is an important part of feeling sexually confident. It is very difficult, if not impossible, to be strong in requesting more sex from your spouse if you aren't sexually confident yourself. Do what you need to do to feel confident.
Quote: What if I lose weight and you are still not interested in ML with me ? OR Why should I lose weight to make you feel like ML with me when others are still interested in being with me ??
These are good questions. The answer to the first one is that your H will be forced to face his own sexual problems head on when he no longer can blame his lack of desire on your appearance. The first answer to the second question is that you shouldn't worry about who in particular finds you sexually attractive as long as you TRULY believe you are sexually attactive. The second answer to the second question is that maybe liking slender women is TRULY a sexual preference for your H over which he has limited control. You may think this is a lame preference, but you might want to consider if trying to respect his preference in this regard would be worth it. In my case, I asked myself if I was willing to trade cookies for sex and the answer was "yes!". Trying to meet your spouse's preferences in this way also proves to them that you are serious in your desire to improve things sexually and puts them on alert to the possibility that others might find you attractive. In my sich, I found that telling my H that I was going to lose some weight in order to improve our sex life and then following through was enough to improve things quite a bit.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
