Just a little more info on my sitch. This has been going on for 5 years (the lack of intimacy.) I've not read any of the books yet, I've just been winging it I guess. I've talked to my wife repeatedly over the last 6 months, but it only ever precipitates an argument. She wants to have an intimate relationship, but.. but... but...
I've called her on all the excuses too... they are usually irrelevant, untrue, or the other side of a coin that she is in control of (i.e., I haven't had time, however, I've come up with 15 new hobbies to fill my time with recently; I do want to talk...o.k., now it is a commercial break, how are you?; etc. etc) I'm tired of the arguments, and I'm tired of trying to express my point of view when it just gets twisted around. Long story short, I am told that I am the problem, either because I think that there is a problem when there really isn't, or because I am the root cause of all the problems that she will admit...no matter how illogical.
The move is my attempt to make it plain that there is a problem, and it is not simply one of my perception. Or rather, that even if it is a problem of how/why I percieve there to be a difficulty, that is enough of a problem for us both to be concerned about.
My wife is quite happy to have things as they are. I am the one "making waves" because I am not satisfied with the status quo. If I act like nothing is wrong, then nothing changes. If I try to voice my feelings verbally, I am argued with and confounded. At least this is something that I can do that can't be misconstrued or argued with, even if it can be turned against me.
I dont' think that unless I make it plain that I will not inhabit a farce of a marriage that anything will change.
