You nailed it, you're right. Yes I need the "interest" from her to give it more meaning. She was pretty nice about it instead of sarcastic which is an improvement. I don't know I'll pass on the offer tonight unless the seed I planted today grows into something else. But in reality, I just don't care that much right now. I would rather keep vigilant about the way she interacts with me by calling b.s. on her sarcasm and disrespect.
Folks, when I was single between my 2nd and 3rd year of college, I was so preoccupied with trying to find dates and getting some sex that I probably looked like a desperate dork (though I did ok). That is the part of me that I want to change and feel like I have changed. The ultimate test of becoming differentiated is when I can truly live without sex for an extended period of time. Granted, their won't be any EC to my W and I probably be in damn good shape from all the riding I'll be doing. I just keep thinking that I need to start learning to walk on my emotional legs as if I were single and alone because (here's my massive crucible folks) the only time I really didn't like myself was when I was single. There it is folks...my admission. I now admit that I have an irrational need for someone in my life. Fear of being alone is what fueled me being so non-confrontational in the past. I've gotten over lots of that now. Now I need to venture out in the water without a life preserver. I can now recognize when my need to be desired is for "other-validation" and I ignore that need. I can now recognize when my need for sex is out of plain ol' horniness and take care of it myself. I can now recognize the need for sex due to anxiety and I go ride my bike. And finally, the need for sex to boost my EC is completely dependent upon how much I really want to boost my EC. Lately, it's not much. I want to use this opportunity to grow some more. I'm sorry if this is a "downer" for you folks trying so hard to boost your sex life up. If any of my progress will give you hope, I will say that we've ML / did sexual things over 20 times in the past 6 months - significant improvement over the quarterly average of the past 10 years.
Geez...who knows? Maybe I'm just nuts. Maybe my W will feel my lack of EC this time. Who knows. I'm pretty clueless right now.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
