Brakes? We don't need no stinking brakes. We're not worried about hills out here in South East Michigan.
From my front door, I can see the bird poop on the top of the telephone pole that's at the end of my driveway. Fortunately, we have about 2000 sq. feet of flat concrete near our house to play on because once you start down the driveway, you are treated to brake-smoking 20% grade. In winter, we have to clear the leaves because cars can't climb the driveway. In a snowstorm, I had to park in the street and when going back to my car, I slipped and slid 30 feet down the driveway. I can ride up the driveway on my mountain bike in my granny gears. I can only get 5 feet up it on my road bike. Yes we live on an extreme lot. The back yard drops off even steeper. The end of our patio is about 20 feet off the ground while the end closest to our house is 5 feet lower than our foundation. Moving to Atlanta from Texas, where hilly lots sell for a premium, I completely fell in love with our lot. It wasn't until 4 months later that I discovered why I got it so cheap...folks who live here want "level" lots.....argh!. But screw resale value...I love it here...we put an antler chandelier in the dining room so we could designate our house as a "lodge".
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
Dave, I went to the library to pick up PM for a re-read and it was checked out, so I got the Gottman book "Seven Marriage Principles" or something like that.
I was wondering if you could compare and contrast the two books for me. lol! Do you feel like your 6th grade teacher just gave you a book report assignment??
I just started it and he hasn't gotten into any meat and potatoes type stuff but it seems interesting enough. Of course, I could read the phone book and be enthralled--love to read--so who knows.
Ok, I feel it now. My EC isn't what it was Sunday. This sucks...why do I have to live like a leaky tire?
Anyway, it's my W's P this week and she has assured me that she won't have sex during that time. My feelings are at a spot where I don't really desire the idea of being with her. This is what happened a few weeks ago and it required me to have a big drawn out convo (which actually boosts the EC) before I could get in the mood. So what do I do?
Well, between that last paragraph and this one, my W came into my office and said she was feeling "blue" because of the heat and that August always seems to have this effect on her. We chatted for a bit and I suggested that we have some alone time in the bed tonight. She replied "that wouldn't be for me....oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say it that way...it's just that..." Me: "yah, I know it's your period, but I thought I could give you a nice massage instead of sex" W: "well, I'll do that for YOU if you want". M: "umm...ok". Crap, I hate this...my anxiety level is now at 3...up 2 points on my 1-10 scale.
This effort to ask her to bed really is for "me" and I should just accept her willingness. Afterall, it's my EC. If I wan't to boost it, then I need to initiate. I don't know...maybe a schedule is better.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
Gottman's area of expertise is "communication" and believes that fixing communication is the "cure" to most problems. He's got some very good info and I got a lot of benefit from the "Relationship Cure". I consider him to be a "heavy hitter" on the psych-author scale. He's a very good supplement to PM. It really helped me "seem" different in a positive way because I've learned to pay attention to "bids" for connection from W and D6. It's really helped me with my D6.
My last post for example...my W coming into my office...that was a "bid" and I could have "rejected it", "ignored it", or "engaged it".
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
Quote: This effort to ask her to bed really is for "me" and I should just accept her willingness. Afterall, it's my EC. If I wan't to boost it, then I need to initiate. I don't know...maybe a schedule is better.
I think you're compromising. Isn't that a no-no in Schnarchland. If you initiate on a schedule and she is just willing, how much does this charge up your EC battery? How much more charged up would it be if she were to jump your bones spontaneously? You and I and every other HD on this board knows the answer. I'm pretty certain your wife knows this too.
You've been trying to be a better more attentive husband. That's great. I'm sure your wife appreciates it. I'm sure that is one of the reasons she is more "willing" to show up in bed regularly. Here's the $50,000 question. Does doing all this stuff make her want to jump your bones? What would make her want to jump your bones? Either something will or nothing will and you've got to find out because you know that's what you really want.Or maybe not. Maybe I'm projecting because passion is what I want, maybe you'll be happy as a clam just to have her "willingly" spend some time in bed with you each week.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
How do you make someone feel something they don't? Is it enough if they fake the passion? But really - its not that hard for us to know to know if they are faking it.
Now my H is usually very passionate once he gets going. Its luring him into the sack that is a problem
To get back to my point - let me give you an example. While I am very much a HDW, my desire level took a dive for the first six months after both D3 and S0.5(how do you say this for a 7month old, btw) were born, because I was breastfeeding exclusively. I am still nursing my wee one, but since he is on other foods, I guess the hormones are coming back to normal and as my H put it, "I am back". Anyway, the point of this story is that from Jan-June of this year, I was pretty much ND. It was a revelation. While I normally have sexual thoughts a few times a day, and sometimes even a few times an hour, during these 6 months, days would go by and it wouldn't even cross my mind. If my H were clamoring for me to show desire and passion, I would have been quite lost.
This is something I am trying to come to grips with. If H does feel this way, then it is unfair to expect him to show feelings that simply don't exist. Then Michele is right about the desire following arousal, and 'Just do it' makes sense. Then it seems a schedule, or atleast a loose schedule, is the best option.
Seems to be a SE Michigan convo going on here! I too hail from the land of Wolverines, Red Wings and Trolls .
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
But screw resale value...I love it here...we put an antler chandelier in the dining room so we could designate our house as a "lodge". 
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