Slow and Steady

[NotATLDave]

I was wondering if there is a need to put anything in its place? That is, are you going to be disappointed when nothing happens?
"I am hopeful that, without the schedule, we can strive for a couple nights a week like last Thurs, where it was mutually initiated and mutually enjoyed. What are your thoughts about what you would like to strive for?"

Honey,
A few things...
1. I'm certain that she *knows* what I want (poor girl).
2. I wouldn't characterize this as an experiment...it feels more like another step in the evolution.
3. I'm sure I'll be disappointed but that's exactly what this effort is about. I've rarely been "single" and when I was, I was pretty desperate to find someone. I feel like my compulsions within this marriage are driven by the same issue. I need to get a grip on this and having the "security" of a "plan" will only prolong my ability to address this. The difference *now* is that I've learned to introspect and view myself with empathy and understanding rather than spite. ie. I can handle my own "reality" better.

Schnarch's metaphor that shows each person in a separate boat is great. He even personalized it with his stories about his hiking trips with his W. As convoluted as my mind works, it took a day on the trail with my D6 for me to really "get it"...that I've traditionally been a very "controlling" person which makes life suck for people around me. So the other day before our ride, I could have sat down with my D6 and showed her a map, and indicated where we need be at various times etc. but real joy (for both of us) came from me letting her "explore" and lead the way without having any expectations. I would have NEVER planned to go as far as we did. I expected tears and tiredness within a mile...not smiles and laughs 6 miles and 2 hours later in the stifling, sticky heat of the deep south. We went at her pace and I happily helped when she asked. At some points, I did encourage her to try but didn't "push" it if she didn't want to. The goal wasn't performance...it was to keep a smile on her face. Is there a way I can apply this to my marriage as if the marriage is a "trail ride"? Or do I need to look at sex as a "trail ride"? Once my W shows up, I'm pleased with how she "rides" (oh brother). So really, I need to look at the marriage itself as a "ride". I don't have to continually watch my W, I just need to occasionally check that she is still around and not lost.

BTW.
Yesterday, my W went with me and D6 to the same trails. While I was pushing D6 up a rooty section, my W passed us. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her negotiate a very tough section that's hard for me (this was my W's 2nd time on a trail...I've been riding and racing for 10 years). In the spirit of my big annoying metaphors, I will say that it's completely possible that I'm not as good as I *think* I am and she might not be as bad as I think she is.