I'm glad you seem to understand where I am with this...and mmm, Corona, lime, chips and salsa.
I decided not to ask for Paget lessons or even bring up the sex topic...just enjoy her company. Just like an LD person might "sensate" focus on subtle physical sensations, I tried to do the same with my emotional sensations. In the past 6 months, I've been scanning the horizon for signs of progress while simply looking at the ground in front of me would show it. It's not the fact that I have a wife who is willing to have sex with me 2x a week that indicates progress, but the little things. For example, a long time ago, she told me that she is extremely "non affectionate" feeling when it's her P and doesn't like to be close to me. Tonight, she cuddled up next to me on the sofa and stroked my leg in an almost sexual way while we watched our show. As pathetic as it sounds (as an indicator of progress), it's different than the "little" things I was seeing a few months ago...this time had a natural feel to it. It still may be a coerced response, but this time, I know that it's not me doing the coercion. She's truly *thinking* now and working through it on her own (so it feels).
Now when she got up to go to bed, I felt a familiar wave of anxiety strike. Was she going to invite me up? Or not? But this time I centered myself and reminded myself that this response is the one thing I want to eliminate and not feel each night. The real test will be in 2 weeks.
Also, I know that I can boost the EC with quality time. Today, we rode bikes and hung out all day. It was a great day. Much different than the weekend I went camping and I got home feeling extremely disconnected.
In the past, I would go on all-day bike rides and would always wonder why I couldn't get any married bike buddies to go with me for more than a couple hours. I would assume that their W's became psycho-needy and bust their chops for spending time away. Something I never considered until now is that they might "want" to spend time with their Ws...maybe they are taking responsibility for their own ECs. Maybe I need to take responsibility for my own EC...initiate sex but also initiated quality time. If she really doesn't need me around for her EC but I do...then why is it her job to do the work? She's always fairly willing, so why should I care that she doesn't initiate sex or other activities? As long as I "want" the EC, and know how to get it, and have the balls to express myself, then their shouldn't be any problem. It's the "wanting" that I'm worried about. Fun days like today make me "want". We have a few things to work on still.
Thanks folks. I'm just rambling with nervousness.
-Dave
ps. 2 nights ago, I dreamed (a real REM one) that I flew up north and visited Tim at his home. I then left and was riding my bike down his street and came up behind another cyclist...it was Corri. I was trying to figure out what she was doing in Canada on Tim's street. We went to eat and could only find a Burger King whose selection and currency was different than the U.S. I then flew home and due to some weird time-zone issue, it was like I wasn't gone at all. Very bizzare dream. Maybe I've been spending too much time on this board.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
