Believe it or not, I know exactly how you are feeling, and all I can say is... keep going, man!! I had put a 2x per week schedule on myself with my H... and I found that as time wore on, I got really resentful of that 'schedule.' I could never get past the feeling (even though I was the one who instituted it) that I was meeting a quota... and that really took the wind right out of my sails.
Then I started resenting the H again because I thought he wasn't doing any of the 'work.'
And then I realized, finally, that all this has nothing to do with my H, but my own personal integrity and what I want to do to honor myself, and honor my H in a loving, caring, honest way.
I could give a fig less how many times we make love in a week anymore. I DON'T CARE. What I do care about is what I feel when I do ML, and what I give (in terms of EC) when I ML. If he initiates I always have a choice in how I respond... and I can tell you, it's one heck of a lot better when I respond out of love than when I'm trying to meet a quota.
Sounds like you've come full circle, Dave. But the enormous difference here is you understand fully why you are where you are, and what your choices and options are... how you'd prefer it to be, and how you can subtly change the tone of an entire evening just be communicating openly and honestly, and letting your wife be who she is. With integrity.
That story of your daughter was just absolutely amazing. I hope you print that off, keep it for the rest of your life, and pull it out if you ever need to 'remind' yourself of the cool, introsprective guy that you are.
Hugs to you, man. I don't think you yet realize what an enormous 'break through' you've made... it's huge. I'd buy you a Corona with a lime if I could.
