Slow and Steady

[NotATLDave]

Tony,
When we started this whole process, she passionately indicated that she didn't want to be on a "schedule" so I said ok, how about we shoot for the weekend and midweek, but at least a couple times a week? She agreed to it but it somehow turned into Sat and Wed. But for example, we last did it Thurs. According to this plan, Sun would be another "deadline" but I can guarantee that it won't be until next Tues or Wed, or worse, her period will start and it will be 1.5 weeks. I've been trying to explain that it's not a Sat-Wed thing...it's an interval thing...not letting more than 3 days go by without being together in a sexual way. I've even tried to explain that I don't require intercourse, just "erotic" time together. Her period is due in the next few days. I would love to teach her some ways to meet me half way during this time. I'll think about this. I desperately wish my feelings for her weren't associated with sex...it would make life so much simpler.

Is she doing it out of love for you? What does she get out of it for herself? Is she doing out of guilt, or fear, or to shut you up? She needs to examine her own feelings on this, and all you can do is ask her about it and listen.

She's answered these for me but let me see if I can get it right...

1. I *do* believe she loves me and is committed to the marriage. It's very clear that this is why she is indulging me with all of this stuff.

2. She says she actually enjoys herself and it feels good to be with me but she doesn't always have a high level of horniness to the point of reaching an O.

3. She's doing it according to my frequency for a couple of speculative reasons. She doesn't want me to be crabby (actually my feeling is more bejiggety than crabby). But I've been getting better at "playing it cool" when the deadline passes. This is my issue. Then I think she's not defending her frequency because a. she doesn't know what it is and b. because she really feels like *she* SHOULD want to ML 2x weeks.