Quote: M: "Hey, I was thinking about something from our convo the other night. You had mentioned how you go into a 'panic' on Wed and Sat when you realize that the deadline is approaching etc. You also said that you feel like my grumpiness when you don't meet my frequency is essentially the same as me 'forcing' you to ML 2x a week. So I have an idea....Why don't we drop the 2x week thing and lets let it flow more naturally?"
A schedule seems very unsexy. I can see why you have a schedule: you don't have faith about letting things happen spontaneously, you don't want to harass her by asking every night, you want to establish boundaries, etc. You can tell her that the you are going to ask to make love some time during the week and she only gets to reject you twice. Boy, that doesn't seem very sexy either, but at least it will give your wife more freedom to choose while allowing you to maintain your expressed desire to make love 2x/wk.
It's important to tell her why you want a schedule, that your afraid that without a schedule, you would hardly ever make love. That if it happened spontaneously at approximately an appropriate frequency, say 7-12x/mo, you would stop keeping score and you could both relax and have fun.
And talk about unsexy, the fact that she "goes into a panic" must make you feel like making love to her is just a sacrifice she is making to you. I think you need to put her on the hot seat about this. First, thank her profusely for making love to you and showing her commitment to your marriage. Then ask her why she is doing it. Is she doing it out of love for you? What does she get out of it for herself? Is she doing out of guilt, or fear, or to shut you up? She needs to examine her own feelings on this, and all you can do is ask her about it and listen.
Tony
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
