Quote: Right now, I'm having a really hard time enjoying the idea of doing something nice for her birthday without it feeling like obligation. Maybe this is how she feels about me? If so, I wish she would be as candid as I have been about her needs...or maybe she's got some magic "love" gene that requires her to need a whole lot less than me. Oh well, I'm wasting too much time worry about what is going on in her head.
Yes sir, I thought that the motivation behind PM was NOT to care what's in the spouse's head. It's difficult enough to figure out our OWN head(s)!
Having a candid spouse is something that we can all hope for, but the reality of "keeping the peace" gets complicated. I don't want to drive my W away, so I don't tell her what I really think about her. She probably makes peace with me by agreeing with things that she doesn't really agree with. When I get home, let the games begin (or that's often how it feels).
With my OW, I was open and honest, almost brutally so. It was refreshing to be like that with someone, especially after so many years of BS and hiding things and playing games. I'm trying to get my W to be more open and honest, even if she thinks that it will be hurtful. I'd rather know something and deal with it than not know something and wonder about it. Give it to me straight... tell me that I'm an a**hole or that I'm being unreasonable but give me rationale as well. Don't just say "that's ok" or "we could do that" and let it drop.
But then I probably shouldn't have written any of this because recently I've been accused of making every situation about ME instead of about the other person. So, just ignore me.
