Hi Odga,
Been a long while since I check in on you last. Sorry about that.

While not up to speed on the particulars, I got the general picture and wanted to chime in to say ... I see some similarities in between your W and mine (CAW). CAW seems to be just as confused/doubtful/fearful as C in what she wants and how to go after it. While CAW hadn't left our home, she has vacillate wildly over the last 2+ years on staying in this M. I, too, have experience the push/pull effect. I've lost count of how many "Dear KAW" letters she has drafted to tell me its over. The last being in May and had sat on her nightstand for two months. Its been a cycle that has occurred so often that I can no longer feel good about when she draws closer to me (again). The only thought that enters my mind now is ... "Yea, so, it won't last."

I have instead started to monitor the "pattern" of the push/pull in hopes it will give me a hint in what direction we are actually taking. Can't say that we're any closer to breaking the pattern yet, but this year I have noticed a shifting in the pattern ... just don't know what it all means yet?! ... but it is tiring. I feel trapped in a time loop and all that means to me now is I know I'm gonna feel hurt again and again ... so I don't feel I have much to look forward to anymore. I've been looking for ways to try to break the cycle, but the only option that I can see at this point that I have control over that brings about a definitive result to breaking the cycle is ... to turn away from M myself ... not an option I want to take (alto starting to ponder if maybe I should) ... so still stuck in a catch22 ... waiting and hoping to find another option. Oi! ... didn't mean for this to turn into a ramble...

I have no wisdom/advise/insights to offer ... just wanted to let you know I relate. Its great that you have the house to keep you busy and stay focused on. I sorry to hear about C's son and my thoughts are on the hope of a speedy and full recovery.

'til later,
KAW