No email at all from H today, which is quite disappointing because I really enjoy getting them. Besides the fact that I always feel that he's carrying on a hot/heavy email convo. w/OW....which has been true in the past.
I guess I'll just let it go and let him set, though.....
I have a feeling that "somethings up", based on his moods the last few days his sleepless night on Tuesday, notes jotted on the back of the envelop now carried with him....and what the notes said.....
Frankly I cant help but think they are his notes on reasons why one R is over, and maybe how to tell one of us that....I hope it's the OW, want to believe based on his horniness last weekend and his "you had this won" statement on vacation that that's it. but then he's irritable about the messy kitchen, the dogs, everything last night/this morning....which makes me worry that he's ready to leave...but still he said "fine" when I told him about the appt. at the bank tomorrow and what the game plan was.
I don't know what to think......maybe he's irritable because he's afraid that he's giving up his "shot at happiness" and his life still isn't perfect (duh, imagine that!)
Today at lunch, I scrapped together the last few dollars I have to get a salad and a frozen pizza for the guys to have at home while I work late tonight, and an interesting thought occured to me. Ususally a couple times a week, H makes a big deal that he's gotta have gasoline and needs to cahse a check to buy it....well, since the proverbial S--t hit the proverbial fan a week ago w/finances, I have not heard one single word about this....said last night he was going to have to get some soon as he's driving on fumes....well, hmmmm, then his notation that "life partner must exhibit reciprocity" jumped into my mind....I wonder if he didn't ask her for some gas money/etc., and she blew a gasket....I'm pretty sure he's been buying gas and groceries for her for quite some time....hmmmmmm...so maybe this is an opportunity for H to experience the OW in all her glory....
Could be, I have no way to know for sure except I'm positive that "somethings up"....of course I've prayed for God to take care of this sitch, and promised to get out of the way, and I do believe that God works in mysterious ways...maybe this is one of those.
then again, maybe this is the demented rambling of someone who is sleep deprived and anxious. Nah, couldnt be that, could it?
Quote: then again, maybe this is the demented rambling of someone who is sleep deprived and anxious. Nah, couldnt be that, could it?
Might be.
I know it would be really difficult to not dwell on this but I think your best place to direct your energy is to put positives in your interactions with H.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
The night that H didn't sleep he was up all night scribbling notes on an envelope?
And one of the notations was life partner must exhibit reciprocity?
What did the rest of it say?
Just for the record I will stand my ground and say I would still bet $ on your H not leaving.
I am sorry that you are out of $.
I frosts me to no end that while I am living on a budget H is still supporting OW (and Himself) in the luxurious lifestyle to which he has been accustomed.
He told me that whie I was in Vegas I should go shopping and to a spa and I wanted to ask him using what/whose $, but I didn't. $ is a hugely sensitive area for him, so I just let his comments go.
Hi Pamila, that's exactly right....and so weird...tuesday nite, H was up and down all night, in and out of the bedroom, over to his dresser, picking something up....putting something down....I saw the envelope the next morning, when he was oddly off schedule, as I was getting dressed, laying right on his dresser with a pen clipped on the back of it...I recognized the envelope as one I'd brought in with the mail the eve. before, caught my eye because it has a bright blue logo and return address...I thought maybe it was something "special" so picked it up, and found most of the back covered with talking points....I would guess there were 6/7 in all...I only read the 1st 2 and part of the 3rd. #1 said "compassion is key" #2 said "life partner must exhibit reciprocity" #3 said something about church, and I didnt get the rest because I didnt want to get caught snooping.....I noticed yesterday afternoon it wasnt on his dresser, then this morning, as I said, I saw it sticking out of the outside pocked of his brief case....... weird in my book....I cant figure out what the heck he's working up to here, but I cant comprehend that he would be ML so often or talking about the future if he was leaving...in fact, shortly after I found out about A, he wouldn't even commit to being around by christmas...I would ask (before I found DB) and he would just say he didnt know or not respond....now he talks about future plans unsolicited....
Thanks for the $condolences, we will be ok, tomorrow we meet w/banker and just re-finance our mortgage to take care of it, it isnt even that large an amount, actually, but just that we are broke right now so soon after D's college and wedding that we don't have discretionary funds to cover it. It was probably a very needed wake-up call for both of us, however.....
I don't know, does that note scribbling/up and down all night give you any ideas about what the heck's going on?
I've not had one single email from H today, which is very unusual, it's been months since I didn't get at least one....I decided to just leave the ball in his court, since always before I've sent him one if he didnt', and I did give him lunch notes 2 days in a row this week. I mean there's shameless pursuit and then there's idiotic pursuit, right?
I know my best bet is to focus on building up the positives w/H, but I'm feeling kinda down this afternoon because I do miss getting an email from him....sigh......I guess it could be worse. Hopefully things will go well when I get home later tonight....sigh, I almost find it hard to go home and face some of it, although it's never "bad" really. A week ago tonight was his "sick in bed" when I got home night....and almost avoiding me....then the weekend of ML....sigh.........who knows.....
yes, Pam, you are absolutely right, that is a blessing and I cant imagine how much harder it must be for those who don't have that contact...
Guess I was kind of getting the pity party rolling, and that s not the party to be at when OW seems to be OH SO HAPPY and OH SO CHEERFUL (i think!)...most of the time...
I borrowed h's cell phone once and accidently hit her # and she sounded like a French w---e on a phone sex line when she answered....(whatever they sound like ) but the "come-on" was literally dripping from her voice from her end...
Did you see the e-mail from my h that told me he had itchy butt the other day? I was imagining all kinds of things and let myself talk me into being upset.
BTW: I'm not picking on you for being upset. My mood is always better if I get an e-mail from CHL than if I totally don't hear from him at all.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Hi Pam, I did see your itchy butt reference in the email....interesting...I would be worked up about that one too!. I know you arent picking on me...I don't take it that way...I'm just kind of down today, I think from being so tired, and really mystified by his actions in the last week or so and by the night-time scribblings....ah, well, I guess time will tell what will come....
I just read and article on I-village that said affairs last an average of 2 - 4 years --ick--but I don't know, I am clinging to the thought that this is going to burn out sooner than that...also a statistic quoted there was that 70% of married men have affairs, but only 1% actually divorce because of them....I was surprised by those #'s, don't recall the author or know how accurate they are, but found them interesting.
H did stop by my office on his way out to see if s was here, and gave me a hug and kiss - nice kiss. seemed cheerful enough, so that helps some.
Well don't know how long your h's affair has been going on but CHL's has been going on over 2 years now. I don't think it became a PA till he moved out of the house but not sure about that either.
Tired is not good. I am almost always more down when I am tired.
Can you take some Deb time, take a hot bath or nice walk or something nice for you?
Tonight I am cleaning my sink! I was always going to try doing some of the flylady stuff and never got started, so tonight I am.
So I am sending you some positive energy!
UP UP AND AWAY!!!!!!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
) but the "come-on" was literally dripping from her voice from her end... 
I don't think it became a PA till he moved out of the house but not sure about that either.
