Quote: and I believe that he'd be avoiding/pulling away/shutting down in that dept. if he was trying to get himself out the door.....the same with his references to future plans, etc.....
I don't know about your H... but I will tell you that my H started going to bed and sleeping on his stomach right before he left. He certainly WAS NOT ML with me more and more like your H is. I just don't think he can ML with you practically ALL DAY and not feel an incredible amount for you. As you know, women need to feel loved to have sex, men have sex to feel love....
You are doing so well, Deb. If you can stop worrying so much about the ring, about OW and just go with the flow you might feel better... I KNOW what you want and I KNOW what you are going through. Hang in there!
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Thanks Holding On. It's really helpful to know what other's have seen in their sitchs....It is hard for me to comprehend, or to have any clue as to what might be going on in his head...or not going on....he is so incredibly changeable.... The week we were home alone on vacation was absolutely wonderful, and he's the one who made the comment that it was the first time since our honeymoon that we've had that kind of time together....He is the one who initiated ml so much last weekend....and I have to say he was one happy and cheerful camper....and it was great, I felt so close and safe and secure....plus had a lot of fun!!!! Now he's kind of weird and withdrawn again the last 2 days...he's been complaining of his back hurting, but I sense there's more under the surface. I guess I have to keep reminding myself that he's the one who has to fix it, I cant....
I am so pooped today, i guess it's old age but now it takes me 2 or 3 days to get over a night of not sleeping....I'm sure part of it is the emotional stress of this stuff...
last night was still weird....H was tired and kind of distant, said it "would be his pleasure" to do the outdoor chores (??????!!!!!) because he'd been cooped up inside all day and it would give him a chance to get out and blow off some steam....so I fixed supper while he did chores....Wednesday is the night he usually takes his 2.5 hour walk, said he "wasnt going to fool with it"( ???????!!!!!!) and was just going to walk on the treadmill...told him OK, that I was going to work on cleaning/rearranging S's room (we are moving him into D's larger room now that she has her own home)....to let me know when he wanted to eat, that supper would be ready. S and I worked in his room for 3 hours....H came up from treadmill sometime in evening, never said a word about eating, I asked S at one point what his dad was doing and he said "watching tv"....I went and asked H if he had gotten his supper or was ready for it, he said he wasnt hungry....H went to bed about 9:30, I stayed up an hour later to get S situated in his new room ....usually I go to bed about when H does....H was awake still when I came in, but not talkative....I went to sleep although I did give him a hug and kiss first...H slept much better last night than the night before when he was up ALL night.....
This morning H seemed somewhat distant, preoccupied almost, but was more back on schedule...shaving as usual, etc.... I havent had an email from him this morning and as I was doing chores I was thinking about emails for some reason and it struck me that what makes me sad is that I know last spring he would email OW when he got to out of town office, then until the last couple of weeks he had been emailing me, now I only hear from him later in the day and often it's quite brief/business like...although I guess a week ago yesterday I got the one about finding snuggle time....
I noticed when I got home from work yesterday that the envelope with the notes on it was gone from his dresser, and this morning I saw that it's stashed in the outside pocket of his brief case....so he's carrying it around...I don't know if he's making notes on what to tell OW or what to tell me, but I feel like it has to be one of the two...
H was kind of grump this morning about the kitchen being left messy.....I just ignored him, but yeah, It was messy because I felt like it was more important to work on S's room, and H is the one who sat and watched tv....and one time I would have mentioned that and suggested that he could have done the kitchen while I was working upstairs, but I felt like it would have just been responding to his bait, so I just said "yeah, it is messy" and let it go at that.....
I did have to laugh to myself though when I was thinking about the notes he wrote to himself....if he expresses himself the way he wrote to OW, I'm sure she will be duly impressed with HIS sense of romance:"Life partner must exhibit reciprocity"....now there's a warm and stirring observation for you!
I'm just too worn out to focus much on this today....I think I'll start to work on "the list" of 100 things I want to do that I think it was Ellie posted on PSLukes thread....
I am curious though, does anybody have any thoughts on his scribbled notes made in the middle of the night?
Although it definitely would not be considered good DBing, I think that if I saw those notes just "stuck" in the side of his briefcase, I would find an opportune time to pull them out and look over them quickly to see if there was anything added (or put in that pocket with it ...) Maybe if there was anything added or attached to it, it might shed some more light on what he is thinking/working on?
Also ... do you think that if something like this was related to H and your relationship, that he would leave those notes anywhere you might possibly see them? I'm wondering if this might not have as much to do about you as you may be thinking...?
Just a few of my thoughts.
Stay strong Deb. I want to echo the sentiments that others have here, in that I think that you are continuing to do awesome ... despite all of the craziness going on around you!
Yes, TC, I have to admit that I plan to take advantage of any opportunity to "peek" at that note...there were things on there I didnt have time to read before....
as for leaving things that have to do with me where I might find them, I don't know....H had a habit earlier of leaving things, not out in the open, but just barely beneath the surface....and I would stumble on to things that just ripped my heart out....love letters from OW, "hot" emails from OW, some that talked about how "awestruck" she was to be "choosen as his partner"--I'm still puking over that one!How the reason he felt so awful because he was mourning his dead marriage and she would do it for him to spare him the pain if she could.......The devotions book on the shelf w/pictures from their trip last fall that fell out just before vacation......I could go on and on, but won't.
So, I don't know if he would leave things around where I might find them that pertain to me or not...I could never figure out why he would have such potentially volatile stuff in the house anyway, unless it was a "test"....of some sort....Oh, the One Who Thinks He's Slick....I cant for the life of me decide if he's a real gamer or just dense when it comes to women and relationships.
!!!! 
