I am so pooped today, i guess it's old age but now it takes me 2 or 3 days to get over a night of not sleeping....I'm sure part of it is the emotional stress of this stuff...
last night was still weird....H was tired and kind of distant, said it "would be his pleasure" to do the outdoor chores (??????!!!!!) because he'd been cooped up inside all day and it would give him a chance to get out and blow off some steam....so I fixed supper while he did chores....Wednesday is the night he usually takes his 2.5 hour walk, said he "wasnt going to fool with it"( ???????!!!!!!) and was just going to walk on the treadmill...told him OK, that I was going to work on cleaning/rearranging S's room (we are moving him into D's larger room now that she has her own home)....to let me know when he wanted to eat, that supper would be ready. S and I worked in his room for 3 hours....H came up from treadmill sometime in evening, never said a word about eating, I asked S at one point what his dad was doing and he said "watching tv"....I went and asked H if he had gotten his supper or was ready for it, he said he wasnt hungry....H went to bed about 9:30, I stayed up an hour later to get S situated in his new room ....usually I go to bed about when H does....H was awake still when I came in, but not talkative....I went to sleep although I did give him a hug and kiss first...H slept much better last night than the night before when he was up ALL night.....
This morning H seemed somewhat distant, preoccupied almost, but was more back on schedule...shaving as usual, etc.... I havent had an email from him this morning and as I was doing chores I was thinking about emails for some reason and it struck me that what makes me sad is that I know last spring he would email OW when he got to out of town office, then until the last couple of weeks he had been emailing me, now I only hear from him later in the day and often it's quite brief/business like...although I guess a week ago yesterday I got the one about finding snuggle time....
I noticed when I got home from work yesterday that the envelope with the notes on it was gone from his dresser, and this morning I saw that it's stashed in the outside pocket of his brief case....so he's carrying it around...I don't know if he's making notes on what to tell OW or what to tell me, but I feel like it has to be one of the two...
H was kind of grump this morning about the kitchen being left messy.....I just ignored him, but yeah, It was messy because I felt like it was more important to work on S's room, and H is the one who sat and watched tv....and one time I would have mentioned that and suggested that he could have done the kitchen while I was working upstairs, but I felt like it would have just been responding to his bait, so I just said "yeah, it is messy" and let it go at that.....
I did have to laugh to myself though when I was thinking about the notes he wrote to himself....if he expresses himself the way he wrote to OW, I'm sure she will be duly impressed with HIS sense of romance:"Life partner must exhibit reciprocity"....now there's a warm and stirring observation for you!
I'm just too worn out to focus much on this today....I think I'll start to work on "the list" of 100 things I want to do that I think it was Ellie posted on PSLukes thread....
I am curious though, does anybody have any thoughts on his scribbled notes made in the middle of the night?
