last night when H got home he was really irritable, partly about work but I had this sense that there's something else under it....he's been that way off and on, mostly on, for a week...he even said once yesterday evening that he was sorry for being so irritable.... Well, H absolutely, I believe, did not sleep a wink all night...he was up and down constantly....so of course I was in and out of sleep...once I recall sort of "coming to" and H was over by his side of the dresser...that registered in my addled brain even then as odd, but I didn't think much of it...I asked him if he was ok, and he said yes, his back was bothering him, maybe he just needed to "stretch it"????? and left the room....I guess I drifted back to sleep, but I believe he was up and over by the dresser and out of the room at least 3 times in the night....I recall having the thought that he was calling OW, but was too tired and out of it to care much.... This morning, I walked by his side of the dresser to turn on the light when I got up (H was up and gone from bathroom, which is weird, he's usually there shaving when I get there....) and I noticed a junk mail envelope that came yesterday on the dresser...usually only significant items make it to his dresser, so I was nosey and picked it up to see what it was....it had a pen clipped to the back of it, and I turned it over to see what I could see, and the entire back of the business size envelope was filled with jotted "talking points"....weird... I didnt read it all carefully, didnt want H to catch me snooping, but I was the 1st few items:
#1 said "compassion is key"
#2 said "life partner must exhibit reciprocity"{ (sp?)
#3 said something about church....I don't know specifically what, decided I better not snoop further....but there were probably 5 or 6 other "points" on the envelope...
Now, H could be making notes for a counseling session, but I doubt it...he's been at this long enough he doesnt have to do that in the middle of the night as a rule, that wouldn't explain his agitation, and he often will discuss issues he's "mulling over" work-wise. Having been in and out of the room and by his dresser many times yesterday evening, I know that wasnt there then, and recall bringing the envelope in with the mail yesterday evening. So, this must be what he was so restless about in the night, and using his back as an excuse....So, I have no clue what's going on but I'm certain "something is up"....my guess is either I'm going to get a goodbye or OW is getting the rundown on why things are right w/her. I'd love to think she's about to get the heave ho, but I don't let myself go there anymore. It seems odd to me that H would be talking about all the things he wants to do around home, talking about setting up a guest room, taking a mini-vacation in October, not having things to look forward to being "part of the problem"...if he was going to give me the goodbye???? He talked to D on the phone last night and asked me to go reheat some food for him in the kitchen to get me out of the room....as an obediant and loving wife I did so with out question, but heard them discussing my birthday party for late sept.....
I mentioned yesterday that OW looked grumpy in staff meeting....I was thinking about it more yesterday, and she actually looked mean, cold, hateful and angry....I swear she sends cold shivers down my spine....I can't imagine what keeps H so drawn to her......things he's said make me think that her personality is pretty consistent with her appearance.
