Thanks all, I found some responses here after I posted asking for input.....I still get confused here on the bb...
HP, thanks, I keep thinking his horniness is a good thing, and I have been reminded of how great things used to be, and how much I did like --I'm sure he did shut down for years, for many reasons...I am doing it because I want to....I cant imagine either that he hasnt yet come to understand that yet...maybe he does feel safe again now, and that is why he's "exploded" etc.....

Sometimes I'm not sure if it's patience love and grace that keeps me going, or....I don't know, angry stubborness? I don't know....I don't love him with all my heart, and I do pray a lot....that must be it...it must come from God, I don't think it would be inside me all by my doing....

As far as not talking to her, I don't know....I have talked to her on the phone 2x.....decided it wasnt worth wasting my time on her, because she really is an irrational person and she will just twist and turn anything I did or said to justify her status, and frankly I'm sure she would LOVE it if I gave her something to whine about.....she can do a FINE WHINE, I believe....So, I believe that one of the worst things I can do to her is not say anything to her, and let her stew in her own juices. I think it's a weird form of revenge. Although I have to say there have been times when I've been able to get her to turn on her heel and go the opposite way in the hall with just a look. I've also "flipped her off" (I know, new depths of depraved childishness) when I've passed her on the street....I'm mean what's she going to do if I do those, start her FINE WHINE to H that I "looked at her mean" or "flipped her off?".....I always hoped she would, he wouldnt believe it.

sigh....do you think it sounds like he has decided not to leave me/home and is not wanting to tell her?

Boy, he was one nervous person today is staff meeting....I watched him, and he couldnt sit still....fidgeted and squirmed and took off out the door like a shot.

been around awhile!