Deb, This is just probably his natural inclination. I think there is a tendency for HD people to downplay how much they really want sex, so as not to bother their partner. Perhaps he is feeling that he can finally open up and show his true colors to you--you feel safe to him now in a way that it didn't, in the past.
This is a huge positive, I think! Continue to go with it; you are both reaping the benefits, I'd say.
Regarding the ring...ooh, what a turd. I'd say that man is one torn sucka. He's got two strong women and he's in the middle. No matter how unhappy he was to begin with, I can't imagine this is how he pictured he would end up!
I am a very direct person so I hesitate to give advice here..it will probably be wrong. But I like dfb's suggestion to calmly but assertively state your needs in the marriage. That he wear his ring. I would maybe leave the ML love part out of it..? I don't know. It may sound to him that the sex is part of a 'payment plan' or reward for wearing his ring--as opposed to something you genuinely want to share with him. Since this is his primary love language, I would continue to make him feel as if you are doing this because you want to (which I totally know you do--I can't believe he can't see that!) and not that it is contingent on any behavior of his.
I don't know how you do it; your patience and love and grace are to be commended!
It truly sounds like he is trying to think of a way to extricate himself from this situation--I know as an HD person, I have overwhelming desire for the person that I am in love with. So if he is horny for ya, I would take that as a good sign. However, it also sounds like he is trying to still do the right thing by OW (there is that pesky issue of his pride again!) and not flaunt his decision to stay in her face.
Deb, this is probably not the most appropriate question to ask you, since I believe it is in your best interest to not talk about the OW, but out of curiosity, how have you kept from saying anything to her, in light of the fact that you work with her and come into contact with her? Your self control is inspiring and we can all learn from you!
