Thanks to everyone who's commented (especially with the jokes). Last night was frustrating but I hope useful in the long run. After the children went to bed, we sat up talking and laughing. Then we went to the bedroom, my S put on a lacy negligee, I got undressed, we went to bed, and the moment I lay my head on her chest, she startled as if she would've jumped 10 feet if I hadn't been in the way.
She got very upset and said some things that she's occasionally said in the past ("I love you, but I just can't do this any more" - referring to sexual intimacy, not the M). I sat, just smiling at her, which confused her no end. But eventually she smiled back. We agreed to talk tonight so we wouldn't try to be problem-solving at 12:30 a.m. Well, we chatted a bit but not very productively because it was after midnight. And, MegaMojo, I did use the expired-warranty line. She frowned and looked sad and confused for a moment, but only a moment, and I think it was just having to think through whether it was a comment said in bitterness. The positive context was there but humor is still dicey when your S's nerves are raw.
I picked up PM at the library yesterday, and my W mentioned it and seemed curious. I told her she'd have to wait until I was done (though maybe I should've suggested she get a copy for herself!). I'll post a review when I'm done -- there are some very useful concepts, but my academically-trained mind grates at some things (maybe "differentiation" harkens too closely to the postmodernist "differance" -- yes, deliberately misspelled). But not in this thread. We're headed to my MIL's today to help her buy a new computer. I hope my W will drive on the way there so I can read a bit of PM.
We'll see what tonight brings. Her being willing to talk is very important and positive. JakeS
