First, I did get a new job as a loan officer for a mortgage banker. I worked at one place for 2 months where the owners were psycho, looked and got a new job. I've been at the new place for about 5 weeks and I love it!
Re: H Times have been rough, but now they are great. Last month Tom and I got into a fight. Then he needed "space" to think things over for about 3 weeks. I tried to make up a couple times, but he didn't want to. He said that he was done w/the M. So, I AAI I was OK with it.
Then 5 days later he wanted to talk. In the morning he wanted to talk about living arrangements. I said that I have no money and no place to go and that we decided on my career change together. He said that he understood and that we would both stay here for the time being. I AAI I was in total agreement.
Later that evening, he waited up for me b/c I went out. He said he was really bothered by my "casual indifference." I said "I am really bothered by the sit, but I can't make you see the value in me or the R, and if you don't want to work on it, it's not going to work." Then he said that he does see value in me that he's just afraid of getting hurt. Then he said "not that it matters but...what would you/we do to work on this?" We talked, he ended up crying saying how terrified he'd been for the past few days and that he loved me!
Since then (last Tuesday) things have been AWESOME!!! He is REALLY putting in a lot of effort AND he's been really H around me all the time! He says it's because I'm not "freaking out on him." I have pretty much mastered the even if I'm in a bad or sullen mood to AAI and to smile A LOT and still be playful. And, as you know, the feelings follow!
I stopped coming to the bb b/c I had no time, but also, that I just felt weird about it. When I read negative stuff, I'd feel more down, then if I read someone being successful, I'd feel hopeless, like "gee, we'll never be like that again." Well, guess what! I was wrong! H has been really lovey dovey and wanting and initiating ML a lot!
I was still having a hard time trying not to get upset, however, I did get my upsets down to once a month! I had a hard time AAI everything was fine and that he could treat me however he wants "b/c he is still trying to get over my past mistakes." I felt like I had lost my dignity. For me to actually kinda stand up to him felt really good and like I am in control of my life/emo's.
What helped? I read this book that my sis discovered called, "Why Men Love Bitches" by Argov. It's not really about being a bitch as in mean, but as a Babe In Total Control of Herself. It really has a lot of info and tips in it. Some of it overlaps DB'ing like AAI, GAL, and doing some 180's, etc. I know the title doesn't sound nice, but it really is an inspirational book!
I plan on keeping up the independence, but yet be interdependent. I will also keep my moods UP and be active! He is responding like never before! No, I didn't do it all just for him. I think I found my dignity and plan on keeping it. It just made me more insecure to feel like I was being taken advantage of/taken for granted.
