Well, the first night I playfully asked h about the game and he said he was thinking about his answer. Then a couple days went by, still no response. I asked him about it and he asked why we couldn't just ask for what we want face to face. I felt upset and started to cry a little. Some b/c he wasn't participating and some b/c I DON'T feel like I can ask him for what I want. Well...we talked about it some. I CAN ask him for things that don't require a lot of emotional involvement. I asked if I could still play the game b/c it is something that would be exciting for me and said that he could join in if he thought of something. My request is that he plan a surprise date for us.

Tonight I'm feeling bad. Mr. monthly is here and I have a massive headache. My house is a mess, I just don't feel like I can get caught up. I went skiing for a couple days this weekend w/bike club ppl. I had a great time, but then have to get back to reality. Seems like I really can't stand my reality. I am still afraid of h using the computer for porn. Last we left it, he was supposed to volunteer if he had a hard time or slipped. He hasn't said anything. I feel like asking to get assurance, but I don't know if that is the right thing to do.

I am really tired of NOT getting WOA. I know that I can't complain about it though. I need to feel content w/o it, which is hard. ML has been really good and quite frequent. So, that's a definite plus. He signs his em's ILY, and sometimes says it on my vm, but he still hardly says it in person.

Next weekend is his birthday, so I'm taking him out to dinner and to see a band at the House of Blues. I got him a few little presents. I was thinking of getting him a funny card rather than a mushy one. I just don't get that he really cares about getting mushy cards. I was trying to do the "do unto others," but that doesn't seem to be working. I don't know...Valentine's Day is coming up. Maybe if I could just get along with him until then.

I hope I'm just slipping so bad mentally b/c of my cycle, but I don't know. I felt j that he went out with the guys this weekend, but didn't say anything. At least I'm doing a lot better in that regard.

Can anyone help me?

karen812