I like the idea about saying something goofy! I have been a very emotional person and have said many many things that I wish I could take back.
I hear you about burying the past. Unfortunately, H has not been very willing to give my reassurance. I was very demanding for the first 2 or 3 years of our R and he just got so tired. He felt like no matter what he did, I would get upset about something else. (this is true). Now, he repeats that he COULD just say some words when I want him to, but wouldn't I rather that he say them b/c he WANTS to? Yes, WOA is my LL. I have told him this a number of times. He's still in rebel state I think. The things that I have asked for most or asked him not to do most, are the things he doesn't do or does! Did that make sense? He has such a fear about being controlled that he seems to deliberately do the opposite of what I want.
But, don't get me wrong, he has come a long, long way since this summer. And, I do believe that I show appreciation for. Just seems like if I point out one negative, all he hears is "you're an @sshole and never do anything right." And, I am NOT saying that. I think that I have been doing much better at communicating, but he still gets very defensive and I don't think he empathizes very much.
