Ok, the questions you are asking, there is only one person you can actually do anything about. So what if you 'act as if' the passion is still there and DON'T take him for granted, don't expect him to do such and such and whatever....
You control you and make you happy and the R should hopefully start feeling again like it did when you first got back together.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
It's been a while since I have written. Things are going pretty well. H and I spent both Friday and Sat. night together this weekend and spent a lot of time together during the week. I haven't been very physically active, but yesterday I did take the doggies for a 2 mi. hike.
H rented some DVD's of the David Chapelle's Show. It's pretty crude humor. I can deal with some of it, but some I just don't get, and some brought bad memories to me. There were several references to men masturbating w/porn. I ended up getting off of the couch b/c I couldn't deal with it anymore.
I picked up our din. dishes and H asked what I was doing. I said putting the dishes in the kit. and he followed me with the rest. I didn't talk anymore, but went and got ready for bed and went to read. He came in shortly after and fell asleep. I went to spoon him, but he didn't seem very receptive.
Both Sat. night and Sunday night I had anxiety dreams. Saturday regarding him, Sunday regarding work. This morn. I cried a little, but didn't let him know. I tried to be smiley like usual and said goodbye. So, now I am feeling a lot of anx & fear about this sitch. Was I to assume that since he chose to stay M to me that he was giving that up? Should I ask? I haven't seen any clues that he has (I haven't snooped) and we've been ML frequently. When we S, I asked him if that (meaning IP) was what he wanted and that I didn't think he was being committed to the R. He said that it isn't what he wants and when we got back together, he said he was going to do what he could to help the R work. BUT, we never talked about that specifically.
Furthermore, Sat. I went to a craft festival w/MIL and her sis. She got another cat a couple weeks ago and was talking about getting a friend for it. Um...this makes 11 cats in a tiny house. She said that she needed to since she wasn't gonna get any grandchildren. (H is an only child). I asked why she said that and she waved her hand dismissively. Meaning??? Then she said to her sister, "and you aren't either." (Her sis has one daughter my age who is divorced and dating someone-don't know how serious it is.)
So, what was the point of her saying that? Hello, I am not to blame for her cat sickness and she knows all about our M and how rocky it has been. As far as I know, H wants to have kids, but when our R is more solid. So, who knows when that will be. I just thought it was insensitive of her to say. I don't think she knows anything I don't know-like if H ever told her he DIDN'T plan on having children...I am considering saying something to her. What do you think?
Hi Slowly! I am doing well! I'm currently breaking a record of not freaking out and causing a prob w/h of 8 weeks and 2 days! We've been getting along well. He's made some suggestions of things to do.
I've been climbing on Mondays, hiking on Thursdays, scrapbooking other days. I am taking a photo class that is 3 Wednesdays for 2 hours. Tomorrow will be my second class. I got out my manual camera and brushed up on the mechanics and shot a roll Sunday.
I do have somethings that I need to talk to H about though. Mostly regarding ML. He's been doing something in a way that I don't like. I've told him several times to do it a diff way, but he goes back to his way. Also, I told him that I had some ideas from convo w/some friends a few months ago, now I don't remember what they are. So, I feel like I'm in charge of coming up with things to do AND I don't think he's been doing much of the last things I've asked for. When I ask him what he wants, he doesn't say much or give me any clues!!
I know I need to talk about this w/o getting emotional, judgemental, or angry, otherwise, it won't work.
Maybe instead of "I don't like this" you could say "I like it much better when you do xyz instead." That way, the focus is less on what he did wrong, and more on what he can do that you do like.
Hi Slowly, I'm doing pretty well. I've been very busy-actually too busy. I climb every Monday, have been seeing a C on Tuesdays, took a photo class for 3 Wednesdays, and hike/climb on Thursdays, out w/hubby or friends on the weekend, shooting my camera, studying for a test for work, looking into school programs, etc.!
H & I have been getting along well. I met him & his friends Fri. and we played pool (which I stink at now b/c I never play) & out to eat, and Sat. they all went to a party w/me. We had some good laffs.
Re: the sexual stuff-we've been having lots of fun. I was encouraging him to do more of what I like by showing and saying I liked it, etc., but then one day he came home buzzed and again did what I don't like. So, I may say something more direct such as "Please don't do that. I don't like it."
I'm feeling particularly anxious today, however. Either PMS or a build up of not having any blow-outs in a while/geting along well. I really feel like asking him if he is looking at I.P. and if he lied to me about it years ago when I had asked how some sites got in his favorites. Can spam take over your favorites and add themselves?
*It's like when I open up my heart more and more to him, I think of something that would break us up permanently. I imagine having a big fight over something and deciding to get a D.
But, we are going on vaca. in 10 days and I don't want to start anything. Yet, I wish I could put my mind at ease. He got DSL for our computer and he was talking about us getting together so I could create my own homepage. I thought, "is he being nice and wanting to share the puter w/me or does he not want me in his stuff/spying?"
Thanks for asking. It may be more than you wanted to know! Karen
I just thought it was insensitive of her to say. I don't think she knows anything I don't know-like if H ever told her he DIDN'T plan on having children...I am considering saying something to her. What do you think? 
Slowly 
