Karen's New Thread

[sage]

Well, I thought the goal was to appear (and be) independent in order to be more "attractive" to H. I took care of some things in my life that I needed to. I tried to talk to him sometimes, but he told me he needed space. So, how was i supposed to "look" committed to the M? I thought taking care of me was helping to take care of the M. I tell him I care, but he doesn't believe me. I felt that I needed to detach to an extent to get a clearer perspective. And, tbh, I was enjoying the freedom of not being so consumed with our sit. and OK, so I may have enjoyed meeting new ppl including men and hearing that a couple were interested in me, but I still don't think I was any less committed to the M. I was faithful, I was honest with the interested men saying that I wanted my M to work. I did not flirt...just had thoughts of having a "back up plan." Which helped me to not be so "attached" to H.

I may have miscommunicated...I think his message is important to "hear" but that doesn't mean I totally understand his message

It's VERY clear that you did a great job of being non-clingy during the "S" -- I'm wondering what he means about feeling as though you weren't committed....my best suggestion is to figure out a good time (and way) to ask him (non-defensively, non-clingy, etc) what he might have meant...it would be good (IMHO) to get some specifics from him...

I love him, but having these feelings (about HIM not owning up to his mistakes in the M) makes me wonder...I don't know if it is just my defense mechanism wanting to push him away to protect myself or ???

WELL...my two cents is to stay the course...keep working on YOU...keep focusing on things that are improving the M...and try to control or minimize the tendancy to focus on things that are out of your control -- specifically, h's owning up to his contribution, etc.

Sage