Nevanna, But what about when he says things like, "I'm not treating you better b/c of how angry I am at you for the things that you have done?" HE is making me responsible for his feelings whereas I think he has a choice. How is that NOT blaming ME???
I don't think I'm being hard on myself-I think that I deserve to be loved! Maybe I'm being hard on him-by thinking he has such a neg. attitude towards me, so why is he here?? I've thought about finding someone else who may be more supportive of me & my emotional struggles. ???
Quote: It's not a quick thing to fix. It just takes time. Time and patience. Give yourself (and your H!) a break.
I guess when he decided to get back with me that I thought things were going to be ok. DUH...I mean it seemed like he realized some things and he said he WANTED to get over the anger and open up again. So, I thought since he did last week, that he would continue, but it seems like it is going to be a fluctuating thing.
The best I can figure his LL is Quality Time. I feel like when I compliment him he rebuts it or acts like he doesn't believe me. I tell him he's hot, he says "your crazy." I tell him thanks for stuff and he acts like it's no big deal. Last night I told him how turned on I was by him since we've gotten back together. He asked why it took so long or something like that & I totally felt deflated-like, OMG, I want him ALL the time, and me being turned on and having O's is NOT a problem. I said my responds more when things are better , but it still was never an issue that I didn't respond at all!
I feel like I can't win. I tell him I care, he doesn't believe me. He must not be feeling v. good about himself...
Sage,
Quote: Secondly...why are you setting up camp in the cheeseless tunnel of wanting h to acknowledge his "contribution"? He'll get there when he gets there and (IMHO) the more you push, the more resistant he'll be. YOU are taking responsibility for YOUR stuff...that's the important part! Don't dilute the impact of that by standing around going "hello, hello! what about your crap, too?"
I don't know! Why should I be the one to take on ALL of the responsibility for this mess??? You're right, he will prob. get there someday.
Quote: And finally...your h made an interesting comment about your carefree attitude during the separation making him wonder about your commitment to the M. I think his message is important to hear...he does need to hear/know from you that you are invested in the M, Karen, and it needs to continue to be in an open, non-clinging, non-self-centered way (as you have been doing SO WELL!) but don't confuse DISTANCE (not-so-good) with DETACHMENT (good).
Well, I thought the goal was to appear (and be) independent in order to be more "attractive" to H. I took care of some things in my life that I needed to. I tried to talk to him sometimes, but he told me he needed space. So, how was i supposed to "look" committed to the M? I thought taking care of me was helping to take care of the M. I tell him I care, but he doesn't believe me. I felt that I needed to detach to an extent to get a clearer perspective. And, tbh, I was enjoying the freedom of not being so consumed with our sit. and OK, so I may have enjoyed meeting new ppl including men and hearing that a couple were interested in me, but I still don't think I was any less committed to the M. I was faithful, I was honest with the interested men saying that I wanted my M to work. I did not flirt...just had thoughts of having a "back up plan." Which helped me to not be so "attached" to H.
I love him, but having these feelings (about HIM not owning up to his mistakes in the M) makes me wonder...I don't know if it is just my defense mechanism wanting to push him away to protect myself or ???
responds more when things are better , but it still was never an issue that I didn't respond at all! 
