Karen's New Thread

[Nevanna]

I get so wrapped up in him and his feelings and how he is treating me b/c of him and his feelings, etc., etc., etc.!

I had this problem. It's a nasty little trap. Realize that you are not responsible for how he feels...and sometimes it has nothing to do with your M or R. Not sure if this would work for you or not, but when my H is upset, I just honestly ask him if it's me or something else. If he says "something else" then I try not to push.

I said, "do you really NOT know how much I love and care about you?" He said "I guess not,"

So what are some ways to help your H feel loved? What is his LL?

I still feel like he blames me for everything.

Unless he's said that, that's an ASSumption. Try not to be so hard on yourself. (I have the exact same problem, tho, so don't feel too bad! )

I said he can be difficult too, but he said "that's just everyday stuff..."

Is your H cranky when he's tired? Hungry? Sick? Late at night? My point is, sometimes people act funny or distant or grumpy for reasons other than their M or their R. Know what I mean?

I wonder if he thinks I'm such a bad person, why is he still with me?

Sweetie, again, you're being too hard on yourself! The obvious answer is--you're not! (Okay, maybe I need to take some of my own advice here...) I know how you feel. And it's not productive. He's with you because he sees the good qualities in you--especially your positive changes! After all, that's why you're with him, right? You see all the good in him.

Is this typical WAS behavior?

I don't think so. Sounds to me like he just genuinely likes to be around you!

I said, "but it's still destructive. Why would I want to be with a crabby husband?" (I think that was kind of a dig)

Yeah, I was really bad at that, and it was bad for our M. What helped me was when I stopped to ask myself what my point was in saying something. Was it to make a point? To express my feelings? Or to, maybe just a little, get back at him so he would "know how I felt"? If that was the case, I tried to shut my trap!

told him that I thought we could get past this and he said he hopes so. But when???

It's not a quick thing to fix. It just takes time. Time and patience. Give yourself (and your H!) a break. A vacation does sound nice, but even if you don't get to do that, take some time just have to fun and enjoy each other's company. It will do you both a world of good!