Hi,
Last night I went to din. w/my gf. I came home, took a shower, and worked on my take home test. I was in "my" room and when H came home he went into the bathroom, then our room and laid down to read a book. We never come home w/o saying hello to each other. I was already in a weird mood...I went in and I said, "Don't you say 'hello'?" And he said, "hello." I said hello and went back to my room (w/o a hug or anything). This upset me. I did some more reading, then I went in there and hugged him and asked what was wrong. He said nothing. I asked why he didn't come to say hello. He asked why I didn't. I said, "usually b/c when you come home, you come find me to say hello." He said that since I was in "my" room that he thought I just needed some space/to do my own thing. I said that I was working on my test and that it's easier to sit up in there, (Real bed vs. water bed) and that it wasn't personal. He said he didn't take it personally and that he didn't want to disturb me. I said I wouldn't have minded and I cried a little bit. I told him I was afraid that he was doing his ignoring me thing. I did more work. When I came back to bed, he was asleep.

OK, so this wasn't the best way to act. This morning I debated whether or not to apologize, but then I thought "why should i? Aren't I allowed to have feelings? Will I ever have a husband who is willing to comfort me?" and felt a little pissy. However, I put that in check and acted very pleasant towards him. I was huggy and smoochy and smiley. I told him ILY and said good-bye.

I'm just having weird feelings. Like, will we ever be comfy with each other? Is it just me? Is he ever going to "cheer up?" He just seems so unhappy-w/work mainly, and I feel like he blames me for his unhappiness. So, I may be projecting a little. Or I may be just a little paranoid. I have a hard time dealing with his moods sometimes-like when he seems closed off and/or in his own head. But, I must go on...

And, tb(brutally)honest, I'm starting to do my hating him thing in my head. I'm angry about the river sit. how he won't go with me. I'm angry about him being angry with me and I want to feel like I can talk to him...but as we know, he has little to give if any right now. I know this is a test and that I must persevere. Why do I feel weaker around him? I'm too frickin' concerned about how HE feels!

I applied for two more jobs online last night!
ttys,
karen