I’ve been married for 12 years - most of them happy. We have 2 young children together. Last year my wifes behavior started to change and in hind sight I now know why. She started having an affair during bussiness travel with a successful coworker, 20 years older than her and who lives 3,000 miles away. Last summer, I asked her if she was being faithful, she swore on the kids lives that she was. Last fall after several unsuccessful attempts to get closer to her, I asked her if she would go with me for marriage counseling. At first I went alone, then she started going but after a few sessions of her drawing blanks and being just plain uncooperative, the counselor said that she could not help us if she wouldn’t participate in the sessions. I read and tried several techniques discussed in Divorce busting. Well that all changed on March 30 when I found evidence of the affair that I thoroughly believed was not even a possibility. Well I flipped out, I was so devastated that I wound up in the hospital for 2 days. Now, she has moved out, we are working on a separation agreement and we both have joint custody of the children. Within 3 weeks, she asked me to watch the kids for 2 weeks in June so she could be with the OM. She talks to him every day on the phone and via email - As if it can’t get any worse. Each day I wonder what she could do next that would rip up whats left of me. I’ve read posts in in the 180 forum for months, but until you live it, you never really appreciate the pain and suffering. My question is, how do you learn to really let go? I can’t get this out of my mind and can't seem to be unaffected by her behavior. I’ve been consumed with everything from reconciliation (she doesn’t want that - its over!) to revenge and anger. I’ve even tried to forgive us both for being human. None of this works. Our legal negotiations continue to degrade (she now wants my retirement and is angry at how much custody I’ve asked for with the children). I just want to be indifferent towards her until this settles out, but I can’t seem to get there. I want to let go but all attempts have failed. I can’t seem to escape this for more than 4 hours of sleep at night. Help!
