Tonight was the first night of the music festival my H helps organize. It's a fun time for us, this is were we met, he is respected here, and I get to hang out with musicians, and realize I do still know something even though I'm more mom than musician right now, we meet friends we see once a year, yeah, probably lots of 'other validation', but it's a good time.
Tonight between concerts we actually went and sat and had a cup of coffee together. H filled me in on some festival gossip (something he hasn't done in years) and it was enjoyable. He made a comment that the wife of one of our musician friends was just the same age as I am, and said 'just think, you could be the wife of a world famous musician right now'. I made some comment about how he (the musician) was not really my type, and left it at that.
Later on, as we were coming out of the concert, I whispered to H that 'I wouldn't mind being your wife if you made love to me once in a while'. H smiled and laughted it off.
At home, I practiced for a while (yes, we keep late hours, especially during the festival) then H asked if I would watch TV with him. I tried snuggling up next to H, he pushed me away. I kissed him, only could reach his cheek, he responded by reading the text (we were watching a DVD, he had the Spanish text on so he could practice).
This went on, me trying to be friendly, he avoiding at all costs. I backed off, and he made some comments about how cute the kids had been today. I was biting my tongue to keep from asking why he wouldn't let me cuddle with him (should I ask him??)
I finally broke down and asked why he seemed to get so upset when I tried to touch him, I tried to explain how much I need to be touched, then he got 'huffy' and said he was tired and went up to bed.
Maybe after I've read the book I'll have a better idea how to go about approaching him...
Sheesh, what is wrong with this guy? My W can get pretty stand-offish, but even she pales in comparison to him. I hope the books provide you with some insights. In the alternative, maybe you should order them in hardback form and hit him over the head with them.
I can understand that 0 to 100 (that's kilometers per hour right?) is difficult, so don't worry about hitting the gas too hard. You have a difficult task keeping the house clean and tidy with 4 kids, let alone the two of you adults. Long ago, I gave up on keeping things "my clean" and now just worry about keeping things orderly so I don't step on too many toys. Maybe you should have a cleaning service come in once a week and help you out?
Quote: He made a comment that the wife of one of our musician friends was just the same age as I am, and said 'just think, you could be the wife of a world famous musician right now'. I made some comment about how he (the musician) was not really my type, and left it at that.
Oh nooo... heap, you missed a good opportunity to stroke his ego! I can see him smiling if you had said something like, "I doubt that I'd be happier with him, and besides, I'm happy being with you."
Quote: Later on, as we were coming out of the concert, I whispered to H that 'I wouldn't mind being your wife if you made love to me once in a while'. H smiled and laughted it off.
Uhhh... that was a little ambiguous. You seem to be hinting a lot to your H. A more direct approach, such as 'when we get home, let's ML and I'll show you how much I like being with you.' OK, so that's something to work your courage up for. I just don't see the hinting working too well for you.
I hope your H is different tonight - in a good way.
Quote: In the alternative, maybe you should order them in hardback form and hit him over the head with them.
Hairdog
I'm pretty sure that the PM I ordered *is* hardcover...is that allowed??
Chris,
Thanks again for your comments. I guess, I'm not real sure how to intiate in a straightforward way (I love the story of the mongolian woman and the flag!!) Since H goes to bed with a book and candy, me coming in with a sexy nightie, or naked, or what ever, would go unnoticed. Even my attempts to kiss him are very awkward, and he doesn't make it easier. If we're walking together on the street, he gets very annoyed if I try to walk with him, god forbid hold his hand (he's always been like this, he will actually say 'Don't push me!! when I try to take his hand)
Cuddling on the coach, as I said, he squirms worse than my 4 yr old twins!
Yesterday, he was very friendly in the morning, but then distant for the rest of the day, so I think he's feeling a little overwhelmed.
Last night when I came to bed he was reading, I leaned over and asked if the book was really more interesting than me (yeah, I know, hinting again). He kind of laughed and said 'I think you better go to sleep'
We aint gonna get anywhere with this until we can sit down and have a talk about why he acts this way, and I'm not doing that 'till I've done some reading and can figure out how to do it without intimidating him.
Quote: Last night when I came to bed he was reading, I leaned over and asked if the book was really more interesting than me (yeah, I know, hinting again). He kind of laughed and said 'I think you better go to sleep'
So, heap... how do you feel when he does this? When my W was "cold" to me in the past, I would roll over and cry silently to myself. These days, I don't accept that coldness and I make her aware of how it makes me feel.
Quote: We aint gonna get anywhere with this until we can sit down and have a talk about why he acts this way, and I'm not doing that 'till I've done some reading and can figure out how to do it without intimidating him.
The SSM book is best if "sex and intimacy" is the main issue, but it's also useful in analyzing your existing R with your H. You will read about how he might be feeling. However, it seems that (like my W and I) you have *major* communication issues to deal with first. Intimidating your H may be impossible to avoid.
I have learned that it doesn't matter if my W likes me. I have also learned that I can't change my W or make her want to change. I can only work on myself and find ways to keep myself happy. I hope that you start this journey soon so that you can be happy again!
