Yes, I intend to read both TSSM and PM when I get a chance, it's just that here I can't run to the local library or book store to pick them up, and I'm not really able to put an on-line order in without H knowing about it, and I don't want to put him on the defensive, as things have been going well (everywhere else but the bedroom) right now. So it will be a little while before I get them.
My H did have a pretty thorough check-up a short while ago, though there were no blood tests, but I suspect that if there's a physical problem, it's more to do with stress. My husband does get very anxious, and really right now, he doesn't have any releases - his 'hobbies' actually end up being more work than his full-time job, and he's not a social person.
We had 100 people here last weekend - I insisted on having a combined b'day party for both of us and anniversary party - our 10th is coming up in Sept. He got drunk, and talked with friends, probably more than he has in at least a year. He's been rather friendly this week, playing games with the kids, joking...so I know it has something to do with stress.
About who initiates...I don't honestly remember much about the dynamics in the beginning, I know there were times I did, but I know he did as well. We often jsut went to bed together, started cuddling, and went on from there, so it was a mutual thing. As things slowed down, I remember that most times he would wait 'till after I had fallen asleep, and wake me up.
I do think that the kids had a big impact - that he feels 'put out' a little. He became demanding in other areas after the kids arrived, complaining about the housework but not offering to help, expecting me to cook for him at odd hours and times, as if that was how he could get my affection.
When I was pregnant with D8, it took me a month or so to convince H that he wouldn't hurt me by ML. then for the next few months, things were better than they had been in several years. Then as I got big, he pulled away.
I haven't approached him really since the last time we ML 5 yrs ago. Mainly since he would pull away from me any time I tried to kiss, or even touch him. I'm home in the summer, so things are much more layed back, and friendlier, but in the winter, our schedules collide, and we often only see each other in the morning as he goes to work and at night when I get home (after 10).
He stays up late, in front of the computer, sleeps in untill just before he goes to work, and sleeps late on weekends as well, again spending most of his time in front of the computer. So often in order to start a conversation, I have to go into 'his space' in his computer room and he gets very defensive. When I've tried to 'make a date' to talk, he'll just laugh it off.
We went out to dinner a few weeks ago, and outside of him answering small talk I made, there was silence. Not that that is so unusual for parents of small children. I guess I have to make a lot more time for just us. It's hard when I know it's going to take a lot before we even get to a place where we can talk to each other.
I know that I've enabled him to do this by not calling him on it. When I do, he gets angry, and withdraws completely, and will start yelling at the kids for any small offense. I've become angry, resentful, tired of the rolled eyes and him ignoring what I say. There's even a part of me that doesn't want this to work.
