The first thing that comes to my mind (when something other than sex comes to my mind ) is to ask what your H claims to be the reason for his absence of desire for sex? 4+ years is a longggg time to go w/o sex. Was that his plan for sexual frequency before you M? Is he happy w/how things are or just happy not to be arguing about sex? -----------------------------------------------------------------
We never really discussed frequency before we were married. While we were dating, it was high, about once a day even several years into the R. Going through my old journals recently, I found I had written shortly after we moved in together something along the lines of 'we haven't made love for over a week, but somehow I feel more connected to him'.
I guess I was brought up believing that sex shouldn't be the most important part of a relationship, so I didn't make a big deal about it, we were happy otherwise. I became much more comfortable with myself sexually as our relationship progressed - once the emotional connection was there, I was very HD. Especially after the kids, and while I was pregnant, which is when he really started pulling away.
As far as is he happy? He seems content as long as I give the impression I am. I seem to remember that I did most of the initiating after the first year or so, and I know I did for the last time we ML (or more correctly, I initiated, but after cuddling for a while, he went to sleep, and waited 'till I had fallen asleep to wake me). During one discussion last year, he said that the reason was because of my short temper - if I didn't always get so angry, he might feel closer towards me. I think I said at the time that the reason I would get so short tempered is because of no ML...probably not the best response
Since then I've worked on my temper, and if we manage to go a week or so without me 'insulting him' somehow (his words), he will go so far as to give me a hug or kiss. I know he uses porn, always has...at one point he did share it with me, but now I suspect he uses it so that he won't have to 'deal' with me.
ugh, it feels horrible to write this. It took me a long time before I talked about it at all, I guess that was my way of dealing. It's not too fun to see it in print.
) is to ask what your H claims to be the reason for his absence of desire for sex? 4+ years is a longggg time to go w/o sex. Was that his plan for sexual frequency before you M? Is he happy w/how things are or just happy not to be arguing about sex?
