Hi HP... The puppy comment was in response to my recent way of addressing my wants/needs, focusing in on what I want in a firm way and the reason for it. He senses my seriousness and has changed his behavior ( this applies to nonsexual areas as well) which is a good thing, but obviously he has underlying resentment and feels trained. I used to be focused on all the things that made me pissed off and how I wished I could change him and tried to explain his actions in a psych way...for example, say he was late for dinner, I would be upset and tell him he was acting like an adolescent, that he doesn't want to grow up, etc. and at my most annoying would throw in something about his father or some other analysis that he'd tune out from. I have completely shifted my point of view to focus on what I need to be happy. So if I go back to that example I would say something like, " I need you to be home on time for dinner to feel like this is a relationship based on love and respect," and if that didn't work, I would repeat the same message and throw in a consequence line like " I can't stay connected to you when I don't feel your love and respect, and I don't know what that means for us." Anyway, like I said, his actions have improved in many ways, he is showing me he is trying, but he keeps hitting the minimum bar ( in this instance, let's say, he's coming home for dinner on time, is eating his meal pleasantly , when I was hoping he'd come home with dessert)! It was helpful to hear his " puppy training" comment because that's what it does feels like-- he is being a good pup when I want him to be his own dog. I can't seem to take this to the next level. Journey- who needs to get a new leash on life
