Ellie, I have brought this up with CJ...in calm close moments too (In the past it was always in frustration..NOT helpful). His usual response is that he'll "work on it".
Most recently I pointed out that although in most ways our M is really great right now, we are not intimate and this is a MAJOR deal for me. CJ responded by offering a situational solution, and one we've heard/tried before.
You see he sleeps most nights on the couch due to a sore back (how can a couch be more comfy than a bed?) and because he snores like MAD, making it impossible for me to sleep.
So his "solution" was to sleep in the bed with me. As though sex would just naturally follow proximity. Well he did join me, but nothing followed except a night on the couch for me. Other times he'd join me in bed in the morning, but then get up and say he'd come back to bed in a bit...and then never do it.
Yes, we share hugs, hand touches, shoulder rubs. But aside from my ice-cube inspired kiss with him the night of my "offer", no passion at all.
I tend to agree with whoever said that it's nearly a phobia with him now....I mean he can't blame a lack of emotional connection or arguments/devisiveness/ my toxicity...as these things don't play a role any more....yet the avoidance remains.
The last time we DID ML...I'm sure I posted it back in Sept...was quite wonderful. It was a "rain check" from the night before which WAS followed up on. It was great for BOTH of us...I suggested then that it wasn't so bad having "Planned" a night of romance, and we should do so more often, like maybe once a week....CJ agreed, but nothing ever came of it.
Should I have followed up? Should I BE more persistent? Should I set out to seduce him? Giving him the rope on this one just is not working, yet all the other options above have backfired and made ME almost phobic of initiating PI.
As far as coming on too strong...I don't do that anymore. My "offer" of the other night was the first time since Sept that I'd come right out and put the "sex" thing out there. I've been rebuffed too many times to be coming on to him regularly...it's too painful.
About the "manual release" suggested earlier...tried that too. He is quite willing to please me (when we get down to it), but what really bothered me was that he could be holding and caressing me like that and NOT be turned on in ANY way himself. I think I died a silent death that day...
I think we need actual sex counselling. Homework and the like. Problem is, as far as I know there's no one in our town who does that.
Okay, after breakfast if I don't strap on my Molly Maid personae and clean this place, I'll post some of the good stuff!
