Haven't been around in a looooong time. I tried to log back on a few months ago but kept getting error messages, new administrator? I actually thought the site might be down.
Well here we are in full summer. The weather has been beautiful here, if a tad to hot for me at times.
My marriage? It's over all pretty good I guess. CJ just proposed a toast to how well we work together, laugh together, think alike etc.
CJ's started working part time...he's teaching seminars and giving training to adults needing to learn computer and business skills.
There's been no hint of contact with OW or any other OW. Although the long hours on his lap-top sometimes call up echoes.
As does this time of year in general. It's about when I was prepping for my surgery in '02 and CJ's A was in full swing.
Two years later and I STILL have so many questions. I had a freaky situation with a disturbed student this year who turned out to have created a fantasy life (including me as her biological mother! )and took the opportunity to ask CJ about the elaborate lying.
I was hoping for some insight, some clear idea of the thinking and feelings going on....his reply "I did it to make myself look better".
Well Lordy, folks, don't we ALL sometimes want to appear "better" than we are? What I want to know is how he crossed that line, how he gave himself PERMISSION to say and write those crazy things. How he FELT while doing it.
So needless to say, I haven't let go completely. Just this week he mentioned being invited to a BBQ at a former co-worker's place. THis woman always bothered me, rumours about the two of them before we even met, lunches they had together after he was let go.
So I told him I might not be comfortable there. He didn't ask why until I prompted him. I told him: "Because I don't know that they don't know you cheated on me". He said NOTHING....and later cancelled out on the event.
There's a lot more (good and bad) in the daily living situation, but I'll save that for another post.
The main and BIGGEST issue for me remains our "love life"...as in there isn't one. We made love in Sept. '03, and attempted to in April of '04. I've talked to him about it...
Last Thursday night we had a great dinner, some wine, and danced the evening away...really connecting for once (I'd told him how unfulfilling it is for me to dance my heart out while he crouches over the laptop picking songs or looking the other way).
Toward the end of the evening I made a bold offer. He asked if I wanted some more to drink, but I replied "I'd rather slurp up something else...nothing required from you".
I'd meant to further our intimacy, take advantage of the moood and take all pressure to perform off of him.
He said he'd take a RAIN CHECK ...which hasn't come about.
Okay, best post and catch up with some of you all.
)and took the opportunity to ask CJ about the elaborate lying.
...which hasn't come about.