No, you're not nuts. We've all been there.

Work on yourself, and how you feel about yourself, and your M will improve.

They might be talking, they might not. These things are almost never a clean break. My H's (female) former roommate still calls him. She doesn't seem to get the hint. But I guarantee if you press him on this that he will take off again. Maybe tell him you trust him to do the right thing, the next time the subject comes up.

Okay, you need some goals. What can you do to feel better about yourself. Do you have a job? A hobby? How about friends you can hang out with when you're feeling stressed? Join the gym, maybe? Maybe try some yoga? Very soothing.

As for the crazymaking, it's okay, I still get queasy when H goes out at night. I was a little funny about it last night, but I know the guy deserves to have a life, too--can't keep him locked up all the time just because he works nights and I'm insecure.

There are lots of ways to get at stopping the thoughts. I thought your bike ride was a great idea. Got you out of the house and distracted. (Exercise is a great mood lifter.) One way is to stay active. Go out when he's gone. Play a video game. Take the dog to a park.

Another way is Michele's stop-sign method. (If you haven't yet, you ought to skip ahead to the chapter on infidelity in DR, tons of great info in there.) Whenever you have thoughts plaguing you that you can't stand, just picture a big red stop sign.

What works really well for me is purposely thinking of something else more cheerful. When I start getting paranoid about H (which does still happen) I think of a better memory. A nice day in the park. How thoughtful he was the other day. How cute he looked when he gave me a hug as I went to work this morning. That sort of thing.

Something else I've found useful...the more I focussed on H's good qualities, the more loving I felt, and the more relaxed our interactions are. Sometimes our spouses pick up on clues from us, whether or not we realize it.

Also, maybe you should check into Michele's KLA CD's. I think they are awesome.

So, what things are you going to do for you today? What can you do, just for yourself, to feel better?

[color:"purple"]Nevanna[/color]