Okay I see what your saying. The whole thing for me is the remain calm part...it is so tough and I am hot headed but I make myself sick. I mean I don't like how I am when I see other people do the same things I think it is ridiculous. I have to change in order to save this M. I am so scared of being hurt / lied too/ made a fool of. When H is not home I ususally don't do anything. I mean I often sit on the couch because I can't focus. Isn't that crazy? It is not because I don'y know how to function alone it is only because I am so afraid he might be with her that I just fret the whole night so by the time he gets home I am wound tight. I am a freak right. Not like I don't have a ton of stuff that needs doin. I just get paralyzed.
Tonight no matter what happens I have to take this in control. It is all my fault, my life is the way I made it.
And I know this is kinda silly but I feel like if I could loose some weight I would feel so different but I can't seem to.
Please don't think me pathetic, I just have some serious issues and am struggling getting a grip.
