Quote: I am not good at discussing the conflicts yet.
For right now, don't. You need some time in between him coming hope and those kinds of discussions--right now, you want to make a safe, comfortable environment.
Quote: He thinks I should lighten up, I think he should be home more...
You're both right. He's trying to tell you he doesn't like arguing with you, and you're not listening. You're not meeting his needs, and he's not meeting yours.
First off...try telling him to go out and have fun. I promise it works. Otherwise, he feels like you're not addressing his concerns. Sooner or later, he'll want to spend more time with you. And...if you can, while he's out, you go out, too. Show him your life doesn't hang on him.
Quote: H can see right through my previous tries at mystery as it seems I am trying to make him jealous.
Mystery does not equal jealousy. I personally think that's a bad route to take--just puts everyone on edge. There are lots of easy ways to create mystery. Dye your hair a new color (without telling him first), buy some new clothes and then just where them in front of him, don't be home when he's not (just go to a bookstore if you want). I got a tatoo, and just let H "find" it. Man, was that fun! In other words...you don't have to let him in on every aspect of your life.
You also sound like you need to spend some time just listening and validating his concerns. He's the one who bolted, so you need to take plenty of time to figure out what his needs are. Listen, validate, listen, validate. Try to understand his point of view.
Also, if you don't know it already, try to figure out what his love language is. If you start speaking his LL, that's a sure way to get his attention.
And avoid "more of the same" behavior. It sounds like there is a lot of that going on here!
In other words...you don't have to let him in on every aspect of your life.
