This morning laying in bed thinking BEFORE the shelties decided it was time to be up already! I realized that even though I have accepted that the old marriage is over, some part of me is still wishing for that miracle that CHL would not sign the papers and just give us both some time to heal and see if we reconnect as different people.

I think that is why I am still cringing as I go to get the mail and why I expect to have a rough evening when the papers get here.

I think what helped me to realize that is where I am was talking with G yesterday. He said by the time he got his papers he was over it and ready to move on.

I realize I am ready to move on also, I definitely no longer want to be stuck in the pain and sadness. But I don't feel the same way he did about getting his papers.

I am over the sitch, ready to start living and moving forward, but I am not yet over CHL, if that makes any sense.

I know I am a much different person having been through this past 2 1/2 years and I would think he has to be a bit of a different person as well.

The person I was before could NEVER do the things that the person I am today is doing on a regular ongoing basis!!!

I must say it is a very freeing feeling to discover all the things I always told myself I couldn't do, that I CAN actually do on my own!!

Pam

"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned
so as to have the life that is waiting for us"