Big, small, crazy, practical - trust me, it's hard to come up with a hundred things! That's why the exercise works - makes you think up crazy things to fill it up (I think performing a stand-up comedy routine was on my list somewhere ) And that helps you get past your internal censor.
I'd love to come visit, paint toenails, and chat in there with you! Sounds wonderful!
Hugs!
PIB, I read this and realize that is something I missed growing up. I never had this kind of friendships.
I had friends, but mom never wanted us to have anyone over or spend the night so none of that and my sisters shared a room and did some girl sorts of stuff together when they weren't fighting.
But strange as it sounds at my age, that just sounds like fun!!! Just fun, nothing serious, break from serious life.
You won't believe it but just tonight I was going through a Brylane Homes catalog and there it was in a blue bedroom, on a four poster bed. White eyelet comforter, shams, bed skirt and sheet set!!! All on sale for $90.00 But don't want to spend all that even though that looks to be a good price for that many pieces of a set.
But how cool is it to find just what I described!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
This morning laying in bed thinking BEFORE the shelties decided it was time to be up already! I realized that even though I have accepted that the old marriage is over, some part of me is still wishing for that miracle that CHL would not sign the papers and just give us both some time to heal and see if we reconnect as different people.
I think that is why I am still cringing as I go to get the mail and why I expect to have a rough evening when the papers get here.
I think what helped me to realize that is where I am was talking with G yesterday. He said by the time he got his papers he was over it and ready to move on.
I realize I am ready to move on also, I definitely no longer want to be stuck in the pain and sadness. But I don't feel the same way he did about getting his papers.
I am over the sitch, ready to start living and moving forward, but I am not yet over CHL, if that makes any sense.
I know I am a much different person having been through this past 2 1/2 years and I would think he has to be a bit of a different person as well.
The person I was before could NEVER do the things that the person I am today is doing on a regular ongoing basis!!!
I must say it is a very freeing feeling to discover all the things I always told myself I couldn't do, that I CAN actually do on my own!!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
This is the point that everyone posts about getting to of getting a life but not turning your back on the WAS, isn't it?
I mean before my whole focus was wanting CHL to come home. Now, I just have enjoyed the fun phone conversations with him, but am focusing on doing fun things again and just moving on.
I said I think I took the hard road getting here. But, I won't beat myself up for not getting here sooner. Sooner would obviously have been better but I think I needed the lessons I learned bumbling, stumbling and crawling along.
Now I understand better what everyone was trying to tell me for the past year. I can see that this would be a much better place to have tried to save an R from than the place I was at!
In case no one noticed I woke up in one of my thinking moods this morning!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Quote: some part of me is still wishing for that miracle that CHL would not sign the papers and just give us both some time to heal and see if we reconnect as different people.
My question is how do I go ahead and get past this point? Preferably BEFORE the papers come and not afterwards?
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I love that you are seeing things that you hadn't seen before.
And accepting your learning curve as right for you.
I'm glad you aren't beating yourself up!
Great job!
As for getting past wanting CHL to come to give y'all a try again...knowing how far you have come and the changes you have made.
Well, unfotunately, that's something that he's got to be willing to try to do.
And there is nothing you can do to influence this.
On the other hand, you asked how you could get past the hope that he'd be willing to try again.
I'm not sure what to say here. I think hope is always a good thing. The only problem is when you put your life on hold because you have hope. I think that's what my mom means when she says "that hope is a da..able thing."
You have shown that you aren't putting your life on hold. You are doing new and exciting things. You ARE creating a beautiful joyful life for yourself.
Now, that you see how much you are doing and how far you have come, can you imagine how wonderful you'll be doing a year from now? Can you begin to envision that joyful life that you would like to live in? What will be your next step towards creating that life?
And my vote is for you to go ahead and buy that bedspread set. If you can afford it, make your dream come true!
I do realize that it would have had to be something CHL wanted to do and decided to do. I am SOOOO much better at dropping ropes now days! It helps to visualize them as the hot embers that Sage posted to me about!
Because if we had tried to put us back together I would have wanted no doubts that it was ME he wanted to be with and not J.
But, no I'm not putting things on hold. I guess what I was trying to say is the person I am now I would like to meet CHL and see if we connected this time around. Does that make sense? I don't know how to explain what I am trying to say.
Not that it actually matters, the important thing is to get myself to the point that when those papers come, possibly this evening, I don't fall totally apart.
On the girlfriend thing my accountant friend and the friend I do dog stuff with don't either one have much spare time as they are both working two jobs.
But I am hoping to develope a friendship with the lady two houses down from me that is single and my vet and I are going to do lunch one Saturday and we e-mail one another, those are both new friendships I am working on.
Plus I do have some past friendships that I need to put some time into as well.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
) And that helps you get past your internal censor.
I guess what I was trying to say is the person I am now I would like to meet CHL and see if we connected this time around. Does that make sense? I don't know how to explain what I am trying to say.