Aww...Pam that brought the tears that were below the surface out. Thank you so much for the hug.
I am sad today, but not devastated or desperate feeling if that makes any sense.
Ok, I realize there is a possibility that there will still be some sort of contact, e-mail probably, as I will let him know when I am out of PK. He may also have some questions about PK or he may not. So I do know there will be at least the one more e-mail.
If he were to contact me about something at the house I do not mean that I will not speak with him. I have decided despite this mess I don't want to leave it with bad feelings or rudeness.
Actually your observation about being in bondage is a thought I had driving to work.
That as long as I felt anger or hurt or anything about this sitch I was letting it still touch me. I have to let it go, not that that is easy but I know that is what I have to do.
It is a choice, just like love is a choice.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I did not mean to give the impression that I am struggling or depressed unstable today.
I am not. A deep inner sadness but almost if you will a healthy grief? Not, like I have been at times in the past. Just a deep sadness for what is lost and what might have been.
But also the realization that the shelties and I are getting ready to move forward and we will be all right.
I have always heard that God helps those who help themselves, well I intend to do what I can and if it is time then I actually feel at peace with that as well. Not a wish for it, not a trying to figure out how.
Just that, as JJ always says, I am exactly where I am supposed to be at this time.
The future isn't mine to see or worry about. I need to just take care of the now.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
PIB you would have every reason to think I could be unstable. I have still recently felt those unstable feelings. I hate them and they seem to center around when I am most emotional each month.
But that isn't how I am feeling today. Just sad, very sad, but not crumbled inside.
My support wall, (friends ) are still standing.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Wow, just thinking how lucky the people in your life and future are to have this forged in fire, stronger, wiser Pam in their lives. CHL is losing out.
Hi Pam!
Just remembering all your PMS woes and thought I'd share what I'm doing this summer. Bottom line is, I'm not having any periods.
Nope, just decided to keep taking my BC pills right through (three months max). You've heard of the new "Seasonal" right...4 periods a year.
Well they've been studying this for at least 5 years and guess what? For those of us on the pill (I went back on 2 years ago because of erratic, heavy 14 day cycles), our "period" is really just withdrawal from the hormones we took for the past 21 days.
As our bodies think we're pregnant...there's no huge build up of tissue in the uterus and hence no real need to shed it every month. Of course one wouldn't want to do this without consulting their MD, but this has been practised for YEARS (especially for those with fibroids, endometriosis and other Menstrual difficulties).
I'm sailing into month #2 with NO break through bleeding, NO adverse symptoms. Is this worth looking into for you???
Ellie? Do you know anything about this? D'uh, of course she does!!!
Thank you very much, I really appreciate your kind words. I still struggle, but I am lots better and feel I am headed in the right direction. There is just a lot of healing to do.
You probably didn't see the thread but CHL said he is probably going to marry J, he thinks she is what he wants in his life.
It might be worth looking into, I would certainly like to find a way to deal with my once a month emotional woes.
It is great to have you back, I really did miss you a lot.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Went by to see my house last night. The ceilings are textured, the patio and porch are poured, the inside doors are now hung and the trip is up.
I am not sure what comes next but they are moving right along.
Took B to the vet today as she has been doing a ton of sneezing and wheezing. My vet is leaving to open her own practice in two weeks. I really like her a lot and her new practice is probably about an hour's drive for me.
Got B some new dog food to try and she has some allergy pills to see if that takes care of the sneezing. I was so afraid because of the heart mummer that she might be retaining fluid but everything sounded fine inside she said.
Won't get the geriatric blook work profile back till Monday so hope it is pretty much the same and no drastic changes.
She has lost .7 lbs. since the 1st of May. She just isn't always too cooperative in the eating department.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Pam - I was cleaning my room the other day and ran across a notebook from my dark days. In it was an exercise I'd gotten from a book, and it occurred to me today that this is an exercise you should try:
The goal is to make a list of 100 things you would like to do in your lifetime. Don't edit yourself - shut up that inner critic who says "you can't" - it's just a list, right? So go ahead and dream, write it all down.
It inspired me, looking at my list again after all this time. I'd even managed to cross a couple things off the list!
I really like her a lot and her new practice is probably about an hour's drive for me.