Here is the thing that is so sad. If one of the horny male nerds in my high school AP science classes had been able to work up the nerve to actually ask me out rather than just giving me obscene phone calls, he probably would have gotten action far beyond the fantasies of the average reader of Tolkien.
I agree with the nerdy=horny correlation. I attended a college full of engineering students. One winter evening, I was walking across campus when a probably drunken pack of nerds approached. I made the mistake of smiling or appearing friendly in some manner. The next thing I knew I was being carried down the street over the heads of a geeky mob.
Of course, I was quite offended and indignant and this memory would never make it's way into my fantasy life .
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I grew up with geeky interests but amongst an athletic, more mainstream crowd. I wanted chemistry sets and microscopes for christmas but also a new BMX bike. What's hilarious is that I'm exactly the same way today. In kindergarten, I used to go to the whiteboard and draw panels and buttons and pretend they controlled my spaceship. About 6 years ago, I had a job doing user interface prototyping where I drew panels and buttons on a whiteboard. One day, I had a flashback to kindergarten and made the connection. I started laughing out loud in front of the customer.
But I suppressed my geekiness growing up. My dad was a salesman and my family didn't have a single engineer in it. Me and my siblings were adopted so I can attest that my parents had no "engineer" genes in them (though, when I found my birthmom, I discovered lots of engineers in the family). I played sports all through highschool. In college, I did the fraternity thing but it wasn't until I was working that the geek started creeping in and within about 7 years, the transformation was complete. But I still shock people when the learn that I actually write code because they typically assume I'm a business guy. It's helped my career a lot.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
Quote: Here is the thing that is so sad. If one of the horny male nerds in my high school AP science classes had been able to work up the nerve to actually ask me out rather than just giving me obscene phone calls, he probably would have gotten action far beyond the fantasies of the average reader of Tolkien.
A key trait of the male nerd is the inability to read the sexual intentions of the female gender. I wouldn't know if a woman wanted me if she didn't take off her shirt and lick me on the face.
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
Quote: Imagine some weird horny nerd you knew in high school. Imagine the mind of that nerd in the body of an attractive 39 year old woman with large breasts and blonde hair. Say hello to MegaMojo.
Hello, MegaMojo. It is quite rational for "an attractive 39 year old woman with large breasts and blonde hair" to expect to get laid at least once a day if she wants it. On the other hand, if you've been where WB has been, in a prolonged state of sexual deprivation, you come to expect that it will never get better. All you have is hope for some change. When you actually get it, if it is more than you expected, it will feel like a miracle, even if it is less than you ultimately want. There is nothing irrational about any of that.
I am being presumptuous in speaking for WB. You can probably tell that I am speaking for myself. At this point in my marriage, all that I have is faith. If I didn't have it, I wouldn't be on this forum. I wouldn't be trying to change myself and my marriage. I don't believe in God, and I am as rational and skeptical a person as you will ever meet. But if I ever achieve the kind of love life that WB has achieved, I'm going to look for some kind of higher power to thank.
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
That's an interesting application of logical analysis to the problem, but a dialectic approach might be more useful. Actually, Schnarch uses dialectic synthesis to describe the process of differentiation. There is a diagram in PM that looks like a triangle with one apex at the top and two apexes at the bottom. The bottom two apexes have Dependence on one side and Separation at the other side. When you can assimilate the healthy aspects of these seeming contradictions and transcend them, you achieve Differentiation, which is at the top apex. In another post about phone sex with your husband, you described your opposite reactions to being rejected: how you used to get hurt feelings (internalizing), but now get steamed at your husband (externalizing). These are the two bottom corners of the triangle. When you can synthesize these two fused reactions, you will be able to transcend these feelings and differentiate. My guess is that when that happens, you will be able to cut both you and your husband a break.
Bringing the dialectic synthesis to WB's dilema, his marriage has high desire on one side and low desire on the other side. He and his wife have been able to transcend these opposites by finding a moderate sexual relationship that represents healthy mutuality. But WB sees a dark cloud: he knows his days of conflict aren't over. Instead of standing at the top of his triangle, looking down and enjoying the view, he realizes that he is at the base of a whole new triangle. He knows that there is more conflict ahead and that he doesn't know how or whether he and his wife will be able to transcend it.
This is one of the important aspects of dialectic synthesis. There is almost always another triangle. And when you have reached the top of the last triangle, you have reached the end of history.
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
Quote: A key trait of the male nerd is the inability to read the sexual intentions of the female gender. I wouldn't know if a woman wanted me if she didn't take off her shirt and lick me on the face.
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." <The bike rider wasn't you, was it MM? >
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
I never had geeky tendencies, although my mom is an engineer--does that count for anything?!?
Well, I have always been academically inclined but not towards the math/science sector. In fact, the thought makes me shudder. Different strokes for different folks, eh.
I do feel, however, that I may have missed something all these years. In the past I usually cut off a date early if the guy was getting nerdy on me. Once I had a guy take me back to his house and sit down to play the piano for me. I thought it was going to be really romantic but he began playing "Sailing" and I couldn't keep the date mood going AT ALL. He ruined his chances with me right then and there. (shows ya how much fun I was to date..) Btw, that is a great song but it was a really poor choice for a date song, imo. He was nerdy and shy and up until then I was diggin him.
My type that I usually went for (and the type that I ended up marrying) was the somewhat quiet and funny and athletic guy. Looks didn't matter although he MUST be confident. Insecurity really bothers me after a while. H is insecure but I didn't know to what extent until I was already head over heels with him.
Hornypot (oh yeah people, I'm back from the LD Edge...)
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