Based upon the past five weeks, I may be barking up a tree that’s been cut down, chopped up, and hauled away, but let me tell you what this is really about. Where I’m really coming from is a lifetime of wanting to ML with a woman who absolutely did not want to. Her every word and every action made it abundantly clear that she didn’t just not like it, but actively disliked it. I’m asking this on the assumption that the tree is still there and standing tall, and that this past five weeks has been an aberration.
During the past 28 years the EC has been all over the map, but the times it actually lead to ML were so few and far between that they had to be considered flukes. When over 28 years our average was significantly below once a year, those times were statistically irrelevant. So I’m looking at a lot of history during which our desires were diametrically opposed. With that history, my response is to say that in theory one of us could modify our position. In theory I could have changed my POV, recognized, understood, and accepted that ML was simply beyond her abilities, and not felt deprived. But in reality, in 28 years that never happened: I always felt deprived. In theory she could have recognized how much it meant to me and how much I enjoyed it. My pleasure could have fueled hers to the point that she enjoyed it as well. But in 28 years that never happened either.
Tomorrow will be six weeks since we started this new once-a-week pattern, so it’s possible that after all this time, things have actually changed. But six weeks hasn’t erased the previous 28 years. I still feel like it’s all going to come crashing down any day now and I’ll be back in the desert. So while the question might not apply to my immediate sitch, I’m still in that mindset. It’s a question I struggled with for years, but could never answer. If she does try to revert back to the old pattern, I do intend to call her on it, but this question will be back on the front burner.
