I don't know about this. I kind of suspect that Mrs. WB would be more than a little unhappy if Mrs. GGB were to along with that plan . I would bet big money that it would undo the progress we've made.

To be a little more serious, I'm kind of disappointed that I haven't gotten more response to this. This is big for me. If W was indifferent, I would have no problem with being more assertive about what I want. But when what I want is 180 degrees from what she wants, then what?

Since the responses I've read seem to be making a whole lot more of the BJ than just the example I intended it to be, I'm going to switch to anal – something in which neither of us has any interest. (For those of you who may enjoy anal, I’m not condemning that. I repeat, this is just an example and may not reflect any actual feelings.) And just to switch things around a bit, let’s say that SHE wants to do it and I’m totally grossed out by the whole idea. It’s a black and white thing. You’re either traveling the Hershey Highway or you’re not. You can’t compromise and “sort of” do it. There’s no part way. Either tab “A” is in slot “B” or it’s not. If I don’t do it, she’s left missing something that she really wants. But if I put her “needs” first, overcome my distaste for the whole thing, and go for it, then she’s happy and I’m doing something I don’t like and don’t want to do.

Now I know what Schnarch would say. I should tell her that I’m revolted by anal sex. It makes me nauseous. I feel incredibly dirty when we do it and I want to rush straight to the shower and scrub with bleach. Then I have constructed a crucible where SHE has to choose between something she wants and pleasing me. But that sword cuts both ways. I’m in the converse crucible: I have to choose between doing something I find really degrading and disgusting, or leaving her unfulfilled and disappointed. So which of the two of us has the most important feelings? Is her desire for anal sex more or less important than my desire to avoid it? Are any of you seriously suggesting that I should completely disregard her feelings and desires?

Wildebube