CeMar, I hear everything you say about DESIRE and feel the same but... I am a needy person like you and that need has grown out of the long dark night of our marriages. We must wake up for our own sanity as much as anything else. Guess what? The biggest problem is that gnawing neeeeeed eating away at your soul causing you to feel unloved, desperate, frustrated and angry. The needy behaviour infiltrates everything we do. The eager to please cups of tea and coffee. Watching her TV programmes instead of the football. Being sickly nice to her at every opportunity. Trying to get a kiss then being left feeling empty by the "air kiss" you get. Watching other couples and feeling jealous. Looking at every other woman in the street and wondering... You know what I mean. What I think we both have to do is cut down on the low-value needy stuff. It is tough and requires will power like going on a diet. My arms are dying and desperate to reach out to her for a cuddle but I hold onto myself with everything I've got because I know that worthless hug will most likely get brushed off. Hold back and make whatever contact you do have high-value. Then start to declare to her what you want out of life and do this frequently and consistently without entering into long negotiations or arguments. State your position and then go silent to let her absorb and come to terms with it. I am trying to talk to her every night in bed. Last night I was drunk and it turned into and argument because I could not HOM but tonight I will talk to her again about it but you can only do this from a position of STRENGTH. To get the strength you must hold back from the needy behaviour. Just think about it. The only difference between a long sleepless night and a contented afterglow is the word "Yes" instead of "No". We need to make it easy for our Ws to say "Yes". Mine said "Yes please" last Thursday and as you can see, I'm still enjoying the memory. Stick at it Cemar because it stands a better chance of success than more of the needy same. SD
