About 3 months ago, I had snooped around on the internet to find out where she was and what was new in her life.
Hoping to find out that she had kids.
I found an online church bulletin announcing the birth of her 2nd child.
Told husband and we agreed that we'd probably never hear from her again.
After all...it'd been years now.
He has this sweet notion that once a woman becomes a mother she won't cheat on her husband. After all she has tiny children to take care of.
Last night I gently told him that that was not the case all the time.
Anyway, back to her email. I haven't seen it. He offered to show it to me.
I told him I was very grateful that he told me about it right away.
I told him I was not ready to see her or to handle the situation.
That I wanted us to stay focused on our work outs together so that if she does show up on our doorstep I'll feel confident and ready to handle the situation. Emotionally I mean.
He finally understood where I was coming from.
At first, he wasn't listening to me. Kept brushing me off. Kept saying there wasn't an issue...that she was just touching base. That she's a mommy now...she couldn't possibly be chasing him again after all this time.
And he told me that he didn't want to talk about it.
I was furious and hurt. Shades of the past.
He saw that I was hurt and angry. Insisted that we talk about it.
I told him that I felt like he was brushing me off like he used to.
That he wasn't hearing what I was saying. And I reitereated what I said about not feeling ready to handle it and that I wanted his help.
He said he was very sorry. Didn't mean to make me feel that way. And that he understood.
I asked him how he would want me to handle the situation if I'd had an affair, lied about it for years, ignored his concerns, denied there was any issue.
He put himself in my shoes and said that he wouldn't want me to respond to the email.
I said, Ok, then let's go with that.
So, that's the plan.
Today, I haven't brought it up again.
Felt like I delved too much into the past last night. Too much conversation, too intense, and I'm sure he needs a break.
And my playing the 'oh, I'm such a victim' song only makes me feel worse...so going to stop doing that today.
Of course, I have dozens of fantasies playing in my head...such as calling up her mom or her preacher and telling them the sitch.
